Crazy Mumma

Thud.

2011-10-18T10:08:00.002+10:00

It would seem that Tuesday's lately have something in common. Today however, well i'm admitting it, i've hit the bottom. I thought last week i'd hit the bottom but nope, today just beat that one.

So i'm here now, i've hit the bottom of that fucking barrel.

My not so gorgeous nearly 21mth old daughter just had the biggest tantrum in her life (and the biggest one i've ever seen out of all of my children) right in the middle of Coles. Apparently its not just their prices that go down there, cause that is where the 'thud' happened. Standing in the line, with Miss A screaming her lungs out, stamping her feet in the trolley. Master P, trying to ask a billion questions, darting in and out between the trolley and myself. And then you have me. The dipshit who was trying to hold it all together whilst clearly not doing a good job because I was crying too.

Can't get much more fucked than that right? Can't say i've had the pleasure of a shopping trip reducing me to tears before but nope, that is my life right now.

This morning I actually got up earlier than usual. Everything was all good to go well before time, then the kids decided that they would turn into demon spawns from hell. Add into the mix the damn washing machine which has decided that it doesn't want to work anymore (don't blame it really, 5 years, 6 family members, fuck I would have given up too... oh hang on.. ).

So today, life fucking rocks. I'm sitting here crying because I don't know how to stop. I should be cleaning because this house is fucking feral, but if I didn't let this out I could quite possibly explode even more.

Someone had better stop this fucked up merry-go-round cause I don't want to play on this one anymore.

Honesty...

2011-10-11T13:11:00.001+10:00

I'm currently sitting here, trying to write this post and wondering just how to do it. I've sat in this spot, trying to do the same thing so many times over the last month but nothing wants to come out. So today, maybe its time to own up to myself.

I am not happy. Yes, I may put on the demeanor that all is going well. That everything is flowing along just as it should but right now, its not. It hasn't been for quite some time, but lately its just getting worse.

Does this mean I am depressed? In all honesty I do not think I am, but maybe i'm just too blindsided to realise that how I am feeling is really depression. Maybe its something more than that? It would seem that i've turned into that 'horrible mother', you know the one that is always yelling at her kids, the one who has forgotten how to laugh and have fun, the one that is so bogged down by the mundane that its going to take a fucking big digger to get me out that hole.

We aren't going anywhere, we are doing anything different, everything is just the same. But in truth its not the same. How can it be when I am getting crankier and more detached by the second?

My 3rd son, Master P, he has this awesome ability to drop me to my knees making me question why the hell I ever became a mother and why I stay in this house, all with the uttering of three words. Those words?

"I hate you"

Lately he has been saying it so many times a day that its gotten to the point where I know we are at the lowest of lows. Yes, kids pick up on how adults are acting around them, but this time it seems to be more than that.

So this is my public admission. Right now, I am definitely not being the best mother that I possibly could be. I have been trying and fighting for such a long time to be a better mother but at this point, i'm spent. There isn't anything left in the tank anymore to fight with.

Where I go from here, well I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that something has to change around here, and the overwhelmingly obvious is that it needs to be me. Now, to find some more fuel for my tank...

Wading Through the Shit Pit

2011-09-01T09:46:00.003+10:00

Ahhh Spring, I am so glad you have finally arrived. We haven't had the best Winter health wise but also motivation wise. Winter seems to just suck the life out of me and when that happens, the piles of shit just seem to mount up which in turn makes me cranky.

But here we are, its the 1st day of September and i'm ready. I'm ready to start wading my way through the shit pit that is our house and start getting us into better order again. Another one of the reasons why I am doing this is that we got notice that we need to move. We rent this house and the landlord is not going to renew our lease as of February next year. Well, for me, that's it i'm done so its time to start looking NOW. Heck it might take us that long to find somewhere (please Universe, I know we are moving for a reason, but please make it an easy and smooth move!).

So, here's to new beginnings, getting rid of the shit, damn awesome health and a positive outlook that is just oozing out of us.

Do you get bogged down during Winter or is it just me?

Stepping In

2011-08-24T13:53:00.002+10:00

Yesterday after dropping the two big boys at school the two little ones and I went to do a bit of grocery shopping before heading out for the day. We decided to check out the new local Aldi which is great for cheap prices, but unfortunately it always takes us forever to get through the checkouts.

Well this time it would seem I was wrong, lined straight up, got through the checkout nice and quick. Great, or so I thought. While I was putting the few things into a bag I noticed outside a young couple yelling at each other, right at the top of the ramp that we needed to walk down to get to our car. Another older lady was about to walk out but came back to where I was as this couple started to get even louder. It appeared that the guy was trying to rip something out of the girl's hand, and using quite a bit of force to do so. I yelled to the guy on the checkout and asked if we should call the police because this guy was getting out of control. He called his manager, who came out and called the police as by this stage they had come into the shop screaming and carrying on at each other.

Had I not have had my children with me, I would have had no problems going and trying to get this couple apart. He clearly wasn't listening to her, (mind you, she wasn't listening to him either!) and they were baiting each other but I really hate seeing people acting like that towards each other.

For me though, my main concern was my children. I couldn't leave the store because it would have meant that they would have been in danger from this couple, who clearly were out of control. My moral dilemma though was that maybe I should have tried to step in and help stop what was going on.

Would you have stepped in, even with your kids right there? At the end of the day, I know I did the right thing for my children, but i'm curious if others would have done more.

Homework Nightmares

2011-08-18T18:33:00.005+10:00

Who the hell would have thought it. Homework has become an absolute nightmare in this house. Why am I so shocked you ask? Well mainly for the fact that HE IS IN YEAR ONE!

Kill me now for the love of the Universe, if this is how things are going to be already what is it going to be like as Master L gets older?

In reality, its not that much work, but its the trial of getting him to do it that is killing me and at the same time, making me want to maim his teacher and the system for giving them homework. Not that I don't agree with homework, sure it does have its place but why does it have to haunt me so?

One sheet of spelling words, a maths or english sheet and that is it for the week. Plus then we have a reader every night. Sounds easy right? Well, Master L seems to have taken after his ever loving Dad aka Mr Procrastinator! The words 'ohh i'll just do that part tomorrow' rings through the house every afternoon, usually followed quickly by my words of 'I don't think so Mister!'

So much for trying to instill the 'do it now, get it over and done with' school of thought. It doesn't seem to be working. Guess I should put my 'keep persisiting' undies on, cause goodness knows, we have a loooong road ahead of us yet. Better pass that bottle!

Loud Shirt Day

2011-08-18T13:06:00.003+10:00

A few days ago, the ever lovely Mrs Woog from Woogsworld posted this amazing video....

It has really struck a chord with me. Not only do I think Jack is an amazing little man, and seriously, I think everyone should remember his name because that boy is destined to be famous one day. But I think everyone should support hearing causes more.

Master H's best friend has hearing issues. After talking lots with his gorgeous Mumma, it is still something that people see as 'taboo'. Me, heck I think this little guy is awesome and he is teaching my child acceptance and understanding of a subject that some adults could do with a few lessons in too.

So, what can you do to support this cause? Well, go and check out the Loud Shirt Day website. Wear your loudest shirt on October 21st, and give anything you can to support deaf children to receive that awesome gift of hearing.

Wearing Red

2011-08-15T19:40:00.005+10:00

We wore red today for Daniel Morcombe.

Help spread the word about child protection. I am forever blessed that I am able to spend quality time with my children, having fun, doing kid things. Thinking of the Morcombe family, and also those other families who have been affected by child abduction.

Remember to support The Daniel Morcombe Foundation and child protection

visit www.danielmorcombe.com.au

Link up with Styling You to help raise the awareness of child protection

Birthday Fun!

2011-08-14T19:41:00.007+10:00

I've been trying to blog. Everytime I start, something comes up and I never seem to get finished. Life has been a bit, well boring to tell the truth in the last month mainly because I have been so sick, so the most exciting thing that has been going on was trips to school to drop off and pick up the kids.

Oh yay! Excitement plus.

We did have one exciting day, last weekend. My baby turned 7. Yes, 7! How the heck did that happen? Cannot believe that i've been a Mumma (and yes, a crazy one at at!) for 7 whole years now.

Master L

On the day, we had a quiet one, at his request. We did however spend the afternoon ten pin bowling which was loads of fun. Mr B and I used to do league bowling as a way of getting out of

the house a few years back, but unfortunately it had to go by the wayside as it got too expensive.

So it was great to dust off the gear again and have a couple of games with the kids and Grandad (my Dad).

Birth minute photo - yes, I do that with all my kids!

Happy Birthday to my 'baby'

No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby!

Friends or Vampires?

2011-07-20T09:37:00.003+10:00

I'm having a shit couple of weeks. You know, those sorts of days when you just want to run away from the rest of the world, go sit in the sun, hibernate with a good stiff drink and just chill the fuck out for a while.

Some people in the world i'm sure have been sent to test my limits, and holy sheepshit Batman am I being tested. I've also started to wonder just how people are drawn to us, and what makes them 'friends'.

I have a group of girls who I absolutely love, and will do anything for. Pity they all live a fair distance from me, but still, at the end of the day that distance doesn't matter. I have made some lovely friends since moving to our new school this year, some who again I would do anything for. Then there are the ones that quite frankly I cannot understand how the fuck we became friends at all.

These people have sucked the living daylights out of my energy stores. Have bought about so much negativity and made me so so cranky at times its not funny. Yet, I still 'tried' to make things work.

Why is that? Why the fuck would have a vampire suck on you like that? Ok, unless it was one of those hot vampires, say David Boreanez (Angel). I think he is the only one that i'd like to have hanging off me.

Why hello there David. Ready when you are!

Late last night I realised that I don't need those vampires. So have deleted them from my life. Go suck on someone else, my neck needs to be ready for David!

Do you let energy vampires suck you dry? What is your strategy for stopping them from the start? (please don't say a string of garlic, that could be a bit smelly!)

Moving House!!

2011-07-14T20:39:00.002+10:00

Well, not the real bricks and mortar house. Just the blog house!

Although I am still 'decorating', I am moving from now over to....

Crazy Mumma

http://www.crazymumma.com/

For those who have this page bookmarked, can you please amend to the new address.

Thanks a lot, and I hope to see you in my new house soon.

xxx

Half Way!

2011-07-12T09:56:00.002+10:00

Today, my two big boys returned back to school after having two weeks holidays. We actually made it out of the house on time, everyone had everything and you know what? I only had to yell once. Hard to believe we are already half way through the schooling year.

I'm by far not the perfect Mumma. I yell far more than I should. I use bribery a lot. Goodness knows i've done things that I swore I'd never do in regards to parenting but sometimes you just have to do these things to survive.

Surviving these holidays has been a necessity. All 6 of us have been sick, Mr B had toe surgery, I managed to get myself a case of shingles and yet here we are on the first day back and everyone has survived!

So what I am going to do today? Shoe shopping, that's what! Surely I can splurge a little on myself after going crazy for the last 2 weeks.

Wish me luck to find the 'perfect' pair of boots.

On a Sunday Afternoon

2011-07-10T22:45:00.004+10:00

As a mum to 4 kids, it means that my 'adult time' is clearly lacking. I love being a Mumma to these crazy kids, but I also love being 'me'. In saying that though, over the last 7years I have started to lose who I am, and have evolved into 'mummy me'. Some days I sit back and wonder just who the real me is.

Then I have afternoons like today, and I then realise that I am still there. Underneath the surface, ok so maybe a bit further down than the surface, but today I caught a glimpse of it again!

Want to know what it looked like?

This.

Hello Mr Choo!

Yes I took a risk. I'm not a big risk taker, especially when it comes to bags so for me to buy a RED bag, is a big one. For me to buy a red bag with a FLOWER on it, holy shit people, i'll be wearing a puffer vest next!

And just when I thought i'd finished with my afternoon of spending. Along comes suspect number two.

Hello D&G, welcome to the family

My addiction used to be shoes and then nappies (the modern cloth kind). But now, I think i've found a new one. Could be worse right?

What's your addiction?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T10:54:00.005+10:00

My first Wordless Wednesday.....

Join in with Wordless Wednesday

Touching a Life

2011-06-25T13:39:00.004+10:00

I did something this morning, that I have now done twice this year. Infact, only twice in my life have I ever done this, and it has both been in the last six months. You know what, I hope I don't have to do it again for a very long time.

This morning I attended a balloon release to say 'see ya later' to a very sweet little boy who passed away just over a week ago from Leukemia. He was 6yrs old. But you know what, even though he was so very young, and taken from this world way too soon, he has touched so many peoples hearts. Including mine.

It has made me ponder this morning, just how some people touch our lives. Sure there are some who touch them in not so great ways. They pretty much feel like they are thumping you rather than touching! But then there are others who come in, make a lasting impression and are then gone again as fast as they entered.

There are others who we hold onto and through thick and thin, they stay with us constantly touching our lives in many difference ways. I am so blessed to have a small group of women who have touched my life, and have made me a far better person for it.

So girls, you know who you are, I thank you so much for being my friends. I love you all so very much and i'm so very lucky to have you all!!

(ok... I promise i'll stop sopping now... bucket on Aisle 3!)

I've lost the fun!

2011-06-23T12:10:00.002+10:00

Do you know what i'm doing right now? Well, obviously i'm sitting here typing this, but other than that? Nothing. Yup, that's right nothing! I'm in need of a break.

I'm having a shit couple of days where all I feel like i've done is yell and be a horrible Mumma. I really hate it when I turn into the 'psycho Mumma from hell' and i'm not entirely sure how to stop it from happening.

I've quite decided one of the reasons why it happens is that i've lost the fun in life. Yes I have fun with my kids, but half the time i'm too busy trying to get stuff done around the house to take the time out to have more fun. Let's face it, there is 6 of us in this house, there is always something that needs doing (even if I don't feel like doing it lol).

School holidays start tomorrow afternoon, and i'm trying to think of some things to do that brings back that fun. Lets hope I can find some things otherwise i'll probably sitting in the corner of the room rocking, while the kids trash the house. Something that they have become very skilled at!

Wish me luck!

Party Planning

2011-06-12T10:55:00.002+10:00

Back in the 'olden days', you know, the the time before having the kids used to love planning things. If we were having a party of any kind, i'd go into great depths of planning to make sure it would all come off exactly to plan. It would take me ages to do, i'd have many lists (quite often i'd have lists of lists lol) and i'd be in my element.

I think I got my love for planning things from my Dad who has been apart of the planning of many community events, so from watching him I have learnt a great deal.

So, why is it now that I have these crazy little critters, aka the kids, that I am finding it a monumental task to plan a children's birthday party? So far, the only major party we have had was for Master L's first birthday and since then i've been too scared to do it again LOL (sorry kids!)

This year, being Master H's first year in Prep has seen us attend many birthday parties. Far more than we have ever attended (I think he has been to more parties that I got to go to in my whole childhood!) so we have seen a bit of a range of parties so far this year.

But now its our turn to play hosts. As it would seem by many of the other kids who have celebrated birthday's, its the 'in thing' to invite the whole class, so we have done the same. I am very grateful to those who have already RSVP'ed, and to those who aren't able to make it, which there is a few so far so that brings the numbers down. But just because the numbers won't be the whole 22 in the class, that doesn't bring down the expectations of the party.

I'll admit it, i'm nervous! I hope we are doing the right thing by having it at a park. I hope we have enough food and drinks. But most importantly, I hope the kids have fun and don't go home saying 'OMG that was a boring party!'

Who would have thought that impressing 5yr olds would be such a stressful gig LOL Less than a week to go now till 'Party Day', i'm sure the stress is only just beginning!

Letting Go

2011-04-25T15:14:00.002+10:00

I'm having problems. I'm starting to realise that at the bottom of Lil Miss' wardrobe it is fast becoming a nightmare. A nightmare of clothing proportions.

But not only is it at the bottom of the wardrobe, but her draws and the hanging area too. See, it would seem that I have a problem with getting rid of her clothes. See if I did that, it would mean that yet another stage is over that I'm not entirely sure i'm ready for as that would be admiting to the fact that not only is my baby growing up, but that my baby days are coming to an end.

About 97% of the time lately I know that i'm done. Finished. There is no way this body could be pregnant again but then there is that 3% that wishes it was happening again. I am starting to wonder if this is just something that i'll always have in the back of my mind. But really, do I need to keep all these clothes on a 'maybe'? Or on a 'holy shit' moment?

Yes because if I did get pregnant again, those would be the words that would come out of my mouth first. It is not something that we have ever planned. Heck, we didn't even really think we would have 4 children but we do!

So how do I get through this? Do I keep some of it (all?) for the 'just in case' pile? Do I keep it waiting for one of my friends to have a girl who is teeny like Lil Miss was? Do I keep it for future grandkids? Yes I know, i'm clutching at the procrastination straw like a child clutches a lollypop.

What did you do with your baby's clothing?

Holiday Horrors

2011-04-19T22:06:00.002+10:00

About 3 weeks ago I was done. Completely ready for the kids to start school holidays to give us a break from the crazy morning routine, which is usually me just yelling constantly for approximately 2hours to get everyone dressed, fed and into the car so we can safely deposit the 2 big boys at school.

Yes i'm sure there are others out there who know exactly what i'm talking about (please, please tell me i'm not the only fishwife sounding mother between the hours of 7am and 9am). Then there is the crazy parts in the middle of the day, trying to get as much done as possible with the 2 little kids before turning around at 2pm to get ready to do the crazy school pick up run again.

I swear, those hours in the day never go so fast on other days, why do they seem to go so fast on school days?

So fast forward to today. Officially day 5 of the school holidays, and needless to say i'm just a wee bit 'stressed'. That is probably the word of choice currently as these boys of mine are certainly giving me a run for my money.

Why is it that in the days of my first pregnancy, and the wonderful lead up that was filled with wise words of the sleepness nights, vomiting babies and the other fun stuff that comes along the way did no one bother to tell me about what happens as they get older? That when boys hit a certain age they turn into punks that just want to beat the living shit out of each other? Well not just anyone, just their own brother's shit in our particular case (thank goodness, cause at least I don't have to cop the wrath of another mother's scorn because of my children beating their child up!).

Maybe it was one of those things that I should have just 'known' about but didn't because I am an only child? I didn't have a brother or sister to beat up on, or be beaten up on so maybe its me who has missed out on this right of passage as a child.

Whatever it is, its driving me bonkers! I love having my kids at home, I do miss them when they are school but holy crap, they have turned into holiday horrors from hell and we still have a week to go!

Pass me the ear plugs now!

Blog-Challenged

2011-03-26T14:35:00.002+10:00

Well another long absence away from the blog. I started this year with the best of intentions but it would seem that amongst other things in my life that i'm 'challenged' with, I appear to be blog-challenged as well.

Ok sure, so the beginning of the year was a bit unexpected with what went on around the world and close to home but my head also went on a bit of a journey as well (still not sure where it went mind you) and i'm starting to come back to Earth again, well I think anyway.

Also didn't help that i've been computerless for over a month! Agghhh COMPLETE disaster when you are someone who spends a lot of time online but it has also been a good thing too as i've had to put myself out there more and get out of my rut.

But where do I go from here? I've been contemplating giving up the blog because i'm sure no one reads it but then again I also like to be able to have a place where I can brain dump as well. So i've also contemplated starting afresh but that would require a new blog name and hell knows that is not an easy task in itself as it would require thought and also decision making, another 2 areas where I am frequently 'challenged' LOL

So maybe i'll just keep plodding on with this one. Maybe i'll be inspired by others and keep paying more attention to it again. Perhaps i'll also be creative with subjects to write about. Or maybe i'll just be full of hot air and lack the enthusiasm once again LOL Either way, I guess i'll see how things go.

xxx

Sadness

2011-01-21T22:41:00.003+10:00

Well so much for blogging every day! Unfortunately though not only have I been busy, but this week has been one of incredible sadness for me, so whilst I am grateful for so many things, i've been too heartbroken to write about them.

Last Monday night one of the world's most amazing people passed away. She was one of my best friends. Part of my 'circle'. And she was taken away from us so very suddenly. But she not only left us, but more importantly she left her ever loving husband and 4 wonderful children. At 34yrs of age, this is something that none of us ever saw coming.

I know it might sound terrible, but you expect people who are sick to die. You expect old people to die. Yes I know there are terrible accidents that cause death, and a lot of those are young people too but this, this was just so out of the blue that it has left a lot of people reeling from it.

Me included. Bigtime.

I'm doing so well today. I haven't cried today. I keep trying very hard because I know she would be shitty as for me to keep doing it. Trying to think of the funny things we have spoken about, crazy times that were had and in my head i'm waiting for more to happen but reality is also telling me otherwise.

Death sucks. I've always had a very horrible fear of it, mainly due to nearly losing my Mum so many times when I was growing up. The only people who I have been close to who have passed have been 2 of my grandparents. I did have my Poppa die when I was very little, but I don't really remember him or any of that time. I've never had a friend pass so this is all so new to me.

But one thing that I keep being 'told' (by my Universal friends ;) ) is that I need to stop fearing death. I need to stop fearing altogether! I fear getting too close to people. I fear that i'm a burden to people. I fear that I annoy people, so that in turn makes me shy away from them and quite often causes people to think badly of me. It is not intentional at all, I guess its just cause i'm so used to being alone from being an only child that I don't really know HOW to let people in close to me. Even MrB, as so close as we are, there are still times when I shut him out due to those fears.

Now, if only I could work out how to release those fears... then I might actually be onto something.

Hug those near you. Love them with all your might. But the most important thing, don't forget to tell them you love them.

xxx

My Sweet Girl

2011-01-09T08:54:00.003+10:00

You have probably noticed that I have been posting a lot of photos of the Little Lady. Mainly because out of all 4 kids, she is by far the easiest one to take a photo of! Master's L & H think its absolutely hilarious to pose for the camera and then just as they hear the focus beep, start running. Yes, real funny boys, for you! I'm just the frustrated one behind the lens telling you to get back in your places.

Master P, well he is pretty good at posing, but only when he is in the mood. Otherwise its more of a 'piss off Mum and go bug my sister'. Ok, so he doesn't say piss off Mum, its more of a growl and screech that you have to interpret on your own.

So now I get my shutter action on the Little Lady, who is quite fun to photograph at the moment because if you tell her to say cheese she will crack a smile! Got to love a girl who can pose right?

Yesterday I was messing around with the camera yet again, and got a couple of good pics of her so thought I would share. Today is one of those days where i'm so grateful for this sweet girl because she really brings us all so much joy! Now I have to say, the others did too, but to watch the 3 big brothers melt when she smiles at them (yes, even though she has been smiling for months, they still squeal with delight when she smiles or laughs just for them), it really just brings a song to my heart.

such a happy little soul, who has most definitely been here before!

if you squint hard enough, you can actually see the white of the tooth bud! The other one next to it has broken through the gum surface but you can't see it yet properly on a photo.

Little Miss Inquisitive! Trying to work out what the heck she has (wind up torch for those playing at home) and how it works. She sat doing this for about 5mins. Well until she realised I was taking photos and then wanted to play for the camera LOL

Healing Thoughts!

2011-01-07T15:04:00.002+10:00

Just a quick post to ask all those who inclined to pray, those who are inclined to send positive thoughts and everyone else out there, can you please send them to a lovely lady named Lori and her husband Tony.

Tony is currently in ICU in a severe way, and from her last update, the prognosis is not good. You can read Lori's Blog here

Sending every positive thought and much healing his way Lori! Fight hard Tony, your family loves and needs you.

xxx

The Grateful File - Day 6

2011-01-06T23:09:00.004+10:00

Well, this post was meant to contain photos, but it would seem that i'm just not meant to do that tonight as my 'lovely' laptop is trying to mess with my head and keeps dumping on me *sighs* Technology huh?! I love you to death laptop, but seriously cut with the crap already ok!

Today i'm grateful for being done. Done for what you ask? Well done for having to buy all the back to school stuff! Yes, we are heading back to school life after homeschooling for the last nearly 6mths. Wow, it has been so different this year getting ready than it was last year when Master L started Prep and that is mainly because we were too late to put in our bookpack order. That by the way turned out to be a good thing because I saved heaps of money by buying things elsewhere rather than just the newsagents school supplies store. But today I had to go and pick up the things that I couldn't get elsewhere.

But its all done!

Even down to the shoes for Master H. Amazingly enough, Master L's feet haven't grown much, if at all, since we bought them last year so no new shoes for him. Master H was so very chuffed to be walking around the shop this afternoon carrying his bag containing his new shoes. Makes a Mumma proud I tell you, and i'm not sure if that's because he is growing up or if its cause he seems to love shoes as much as I do ;)

I promise that once my laptop starts behaving that I will post the pic of my sweet boy, all dressed up in his new uniform, such a proud new Preppie!! Ok, laptop finally behaved. Here is our gorgeous boy, modeling his new school getup...

Today I am also grateful for understanding and realisation. Believe me, there will be a blog post all on its own about this, as I need to talk about it, but for now I have finally made a bit of a connection and I hope that it will be the start of the healing process that is so greatly needed here at the moment.

But for now.. its time for bed. Gosh, better start getting myself back into a proper nightly routine again so I'm not quite so zombie like in the mornings for the school run LOL I am so not a morning person!

The Grateful File - Day 5

2011-01-05T13:41:00.003+10:00

yeah yeah I know, what the heck happened to Day's 3 and 4? Well even though I was grateful for many things, I was grateful for my pillow a lot more so I didn't get around to blogging those days.

But here I am, earlier today so that I don't have an excuse later on not to blog! Yes, I am making it my main aim for at least the start of the year to blog daily. Sure it might be mind numbingly boring to read, but at least its something to make me accountable. And surely that has got to be good, right?

Today has been a nothing day. No one to visit, no where to go, so what did we do, well not a lot LOL The day started with lots of tears from the Little Lady, who has managed to sprout another tooth overnight so was a bit of a grizzle guts this morning. So once she was in bed, it was outside to play in the sunshine!

Which leads me to what i'm grateful for today.

This...

Talk about thirsty hot work out there! We played totem tennis, soccer and then basketball. So needless to say my glass was filled a few times.

Ohh water. What would I do without you??

The Grateful File - Day 2

2011-01-02T21:25:00.004+10:00

Today is one of those days where it hasn't been easy for me to find things to be grateful for. The kids woke up way too early, which meant they were squabbling with each other, Master P spent most of the day doing his cry/scream thing that he seems to love to do (whilst my ears bleed silently in the background). The Little Lady, although she was the best out of all of them is about to crack through her second tooth so was a bit upset all day.

The day was spiraling quicker than you can say corkscrew rollercoaster and then we remembered our secret weapon. A Christmas present that we hadn't cracked open yet because of the weather, and the fact that until New Years Eve our backyard resembled a jungle the grass was so high!

Our secret weapon and the thing that I am so very grateful for today?

The Slip n' Slide!

Well, that picked everyone up! The kids even picked up all their toys in the lounge and playroom just so they could head outside and have a go. Ahhh nothing like a bit of a carrot dangling to get the work done hey? ;)

I'm also extremely grateful that the very first photo that I take of the 4 kids this year, and they are ALL looking at the camera, and they are ALL smiling! Somewhat of a miracle and I think its the first time its happened LOL

Yes, even my biggest kid had a turn! Hey someone had to show the kids how to do it ;)

Master L getting ready to drop

The craziest of them all (well bar Daddy!). He didn't have the fear to drop like the other two

Master P, he was a crack up just running down then jumping on his bum at the very end!

Yes, even the Little Lady had a go. I'll spare you from the other pics of her, the one where Daddy layed her down and pushed her. She didn't like it much till she got up and laughed.

Putting these two in just cause I can. My pretty girl is growing up so fast!

So thanks Slip n' Slide! You got us out of the spiral for a few hours (before the overtiredness kicked in but hey, lets just focus on the positives now!) and made everyone laugh and smile.

The Grateful File - Day 1

2011-01-01T21:06:00.003+10:00

Time to turn over yet another new leaf in the book of me and start on a fresh page. Why not do it since its the first day of the new year hey?

I have so much in my life that I should be more grateful for, so its time to start putting those things down in writing, or in this case, typing ;)

What am I grateful for today?

"Day One"

My beautiful family

My gorgeous children

Nothing in this world means quite so much to me as my husband and children do. They are my shining light amongst all the crappy thoughts and feelings that go through my head. Sure, there are moments when I want to run away and join the circus (until I realise I already have my own) but even when I do get to escape, they are all constantly on my mind wondering if they are ok, what they are doing, and if they are alright without me being there.

I am so, so grateful for having been blessed with these beautiful souls in my life, for them to have chosen me to be entwined with forever.

Thank you Universe!

A Very Nappy Christmas!

2010-12-24T11:11:00.004+10:00

Thought i'd post up some pics of the Lil Lady in her Christmas nappy. I sent the fabric down to the gorgeous lady from 'Made With Luff' and this is the beauty that she created for us (yes, us, cause we all know its just as much for me as it is for Lil Lady's bum hahaha).

Will take some more tomorrow when she wears it again with her matching dress that my Mum made for her to go with the nappy.

Black Hole

2010-12-19T22:04:00.002+10:00

I'm blaming the weather right now. Ok, so perhaps its not just the weather but right now i'm in such a black hole that i'm finding it very hard to try and claw my way out.

Life just seems to be passing me by right now and I'm not coping well with that. Everyone seems to be going forward with their lives, but I seem to be stuck. The rut just seems to be getting bigger and bigger all the time. I don't like ruts!

I miss having friends. I miss getting out and about, both with and without the kids. I miss being a part of something more than what we have with the 6 of us. I love my family with every ounce of me, but I feel like they are missing out also and that kills me.

Motivation is a thing of the past, I just can't be bothered doing anything anymore. I'm tired all the time. This isn't what life is meant to be like. This isn't what was in my grand plan when I had kids, to feel like shit all the time, to not have the energy to keep up with them.

This time of year is meant to be fun. Sure i'm looking forward to Christmas morning and seeing the kids faces and joy when they receive their presents, but all I can think about is the fact that other than my parents, we are alone yet again.

Being an only child, being lonely is something that i've always hated. I've worked hard all my life to not be lonely and yet here I sit, just about to turn 32, surrounded by 5 people whom I love so much and yet I just feel so alone. If it wasn't for a select few beautiful people whom I know online, I really don't know what i'd do. If only we lived closer though.

There really is no point to this post. I just need to brain dump in the hopes of seeing the light again. This weather really isn't helping that, so piss off rain. Go somewhere where its actually needed. I don't need you bringing me down further thanks.

Ugghhh!

2010-12-06T23:50:00.002+10:00

Short and sweet. Ok, perhaps not quite so sweet.

Some people just shit me off. They make me want to jump through my screen and slap them silly in the hopes of getting some sense into them.

Gahhhhh!!

Yes I know, there is way more important things to be worried about but man, some women are an embarrassment to the female species.

That is all.

Pondering 2011

2010-11-28T09:42:00.004+10:00

Its nearly the end of 2010 and once again this year has flown past so quickly that I'm sitting here wondering where the time went. It has also got me pondering what 2011 will bring for us, so I thought i'd do a bit of a list of things that I'm really hoping to achieve.

2011 will see us...

celebrate a 32nd, 39th, 1st, 5th, 7th and 4th birthday in this house. And i've just made the realisation that only 2 of us out of 6 were born in an odd numbered year LOL (yeah real glad you are reading this now aren't you? haha)
send our two big boys will be heading off to school. Biggest is off to grade 1 and the 2nd biggest is off to Prep. Bitter sweet in a way as it means our homeschooling journey, albeit short is coming to an end. But i'm also happy for that as I am not giving them enough of what they need and i'm only too happy to admit that!

Short list huh? Well right now, they are the only things that I can think of that are definitely going to happen. Now as for what I'd love to happen, yes this is the good part.

I want to join a gym. I love the idea of these 24hr gyms they have these days and think that would be perfect. Can head off when the kids are in bed either later at night, or head off before they all get up of a morning. Time to try to tone up this body of mine and get healthier.
A new car. This probably should be at the top of the list cause goodness knows its needed, and NOW. Not having a car that works is really starting to drain me mentally, which is ridiculous but with 4 kids, it really is a necessity. So come on Universe, we need your help here please!
I'd love for MrB to make some more progress with his mental health. The last 18mths have not been some of the best times, but we have fumbled our way through without crashing too many times so that is a blessing.
I AM going to get more sewing and crafty stuff done next year. Two days a week I will only have one child here, so surely I can get something done in that time LOL

The rest, well I guess we will see about that when it comes. It would be great if it was a very positive, step forward kind of year. 2010 hasn't been too bad (other than the stupid car issue) so we have been very lucky in that regard.

What do you want 2011 to bring for you?

Flabby McTabby

2010-11-20T13:31:00.006+10:00

Two posts in one day. Amazing for me really, but in all honesty this is more of a brain dump than anything else as I need to get it out of my head.

This is me....

(yes I know, not easy to actually see the difference here with a baby attached to me, but I don't have many photos of anything other than my head LOL So this is as good as it gets right now)

This is what I looked like on the 3rd April, 2002...

It was on the 4th April, 2oo2 that I underwent surgery to have a gastric band put around my stomach. From then till now I have lost 54kgs, got married and had 4 beautiful children. My life, whilst it has been interesting to say the least, and a bit of a roller coaster still has been a good one.

So why is it, that I sit here, 54 bloody kilograms lighter and yet feel like I have not achieved anything in regards to weight loss? Why? Because of all the excess skin :( Sure its great to have lost that weight, I honestly do not think i'd have been able to conceive had I not have lost the weight. It's also great to be much healthier than I was back then but to put it plainly, I feel like shit.

Clothes don't fit me properly. I have to buy bigger sizes to get over my flabby skinned stomach, but then they fall down because they are too big. If I buy it in a size that actually fits, I get the dreaded 'muffin top'. It's like i've just gone down to Muffin Break and bought a dozen and packed them in my pants! Such an attractive look that one ;) I've tried the special 'control top' Nana undies, but i'm obviously still a freak of nature as those bloody things never work, they just roll down and make that muffin look like its got icing on the top. Am I sounding appealing now or what?

But its not just my stomach that I have the issue with. I have tuckshop arms! Heck I haven't even worked in the tuckshop yet and here I am, the lady who's arms continue to wave 5mins after my hand has stopped.

Last week MrB and I got an invite in the mail to a very dear friend of mine's 50th birthday party. Its at a yacht club, overlooking the beautiful bay, the menu sounds delightful and yet I sit here wondering what the fuck am I going to wear. It's not like we get a million invites to places, so the old wardrobe is a bit bare when it comes to items other than 3/4 pants and t-shirts (hey, at least its not just trackies!!) and i'm just taking a stab in the dark that it probably won't be appropriate for me to wear my daggy 3/4's and a plain t-shirt!

Some days i'm sure it would be easier if I was bigger than I am now. Damn it! I NEED an extreme makeover!!

ps.. and no, I still have no idea what to wear! What does one wear to a Yacht Club for a 50th birthday lunch?

One of those days

2010-11-20T09:05:00.004+10:00

I'm having one of those days. Quite amazing really as my feet have only been on the floor for approximately 55mins but still, all I want to do right now is run and hide somewhere and not come back for a good few hours.

I love my kids for all they are, but sometimes I sit and wonder where the heck i've gone wrong. How is it that i've stuff up so badly in the last 6yrs? Yes, this Mumma has hit her wits end this week, and i'm not ashamed to admit it.

I'm a keep it real kind of person these days. No point in glossing over the shit and making myself out to be some kind of super woman who can pull it all off without breaking a sweat and can still be a domestic Goddess whilst doing it all.

That is NOT me.

My house is not 'display home' perfection. We have too much shit everywhere for it to be that. My cooking skills really leave a lot to be desired, so Nigella I'm not (thank goodness cause I really can't stand that woman!) . I do like to have time away from my kids, as I feel like it helps me to be a better Mum when we have those little breaks. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that right? LOL Sure I might miss them when i'm not with them, but sometimes my sanity just NEEDS those times alone.

Today is one of those days.

I struggle with things on an almost daily basis, but you know what, at least we are all clean, have a roof over our heads, have food in our bellies (might not always be the best, but better than none right?) and even with all their craziness, fighting, whinging and carrying on, I love my kids to the Moon and back ;)

And even with my craziness, it would appear that they love me too. Well for now anyway. I'll get back to you on that when they have hit the teenage years.

Sunday Session

2010-11-14T12:21:00.003+10:00

For the last couple of weeks the lovely Thea from Do I Really Wanna Blog has been doing 'Sunday Sessions' A couple of great songs, to get your mood flowing for a Sunday. I thought it was an awesome idea, so have decided to have a Sunday Session of my own today.

First on the list today is an old song by Pearl Jam. I remember first hearing this song on the 'Jeremy' CD single, way back in the day (please don't ask me what year, I know it was far too long ago and i'm old now so the memory is fading haha). One weekend I had to go on conference with my Dad for work down to the Gold Coast, how boring hey? Yeah it sucked royally to be sitting beside the pool all weekend and then in the room at night watching movies, ordering room service and sitting on the balcony listening to the live music drift up from the pub down the road.

It was here that I heard an incredible version of particular Pearl Jam song, and since then it has been firmly etched in my mind as an awesome Sunday afternoon, chilling out listening to some tunes. So now i've bored you silly, here is the song....

Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam (excuse me while I go off and lust after Eddie Vedder. He was one of my teenage crushes after all ;) )

Now onto the second song on our Sunday Session play list. This one is a new find of mine and I am absolutely love it! I kept hearing it being played at random on Triple J, but never got to hear what it was or who it was by. So after some late night searches, trawling through the Triple J forum, I finally found it! The film clip is a bit long for the intro, but it is definitely worth the wait to get into the actual song. Love it!!

Sit back and enjoy but don't forget to go and check out Thea's Sunday Session too!

Lego - The Obsession

2010-11-09T09:09:00.005+10:00

As some may know, my darling husband Mr B has Asperger's. He was only diagnosed with this about 3yrs ago now, after many many years of wondering what the heck was wrong to make him think/feel/act so differently to 'normal' people. The diagnosis has been both a blessing and a hindrance, which i'm sure is a common thing (geez, I hope it is anyway lol).

Anyway, to the point of this post. Mr B has obsessions. Just like a child who has Asperger's goes through them, my husband does the same thing. Over the years we have had many, many different obsessions that have passed through our lives and the latest one we have dealt with is Lego. I used to love Lego and its little plastic bricks that would induce hours of fun creative play.

Did you get that I used the words 'used to'? Why that? Well because i'm simply over it. When you have someone who wants to eat, sleep and breath Lego it kind of gets a bit much. It is an all consuming obsession, just like most of them but this one he has now also passed down to the darling boy children who are nearly as obsessed as he is!

So I thought i'd post up some pics of Mr B's 'Lego City' as that is the series that he is working on. He has tried to get into the Star Wars series too, but i've been trying to put my size 9 foot down on that one because lets face it, Lego is NOT cheap at the best of times. But when you put the words 'Star Wars' on that paper box of man-boy pleasure it bumps the price up massively! If the Universe loves and listens to me at all, it will help a chick out here by either making it all go on major sale LOL or help him, and the boy children to stop the obsession.

This is not our whole collection of Lego that enslaves this house. This is just the stuff that is together and that should have a sign above it saying 'Mr B's Hands Off!' He did let the boy children play with some of the items, but they kept pulling it apart which would cause major meltdowns. So much so that one evening he went to the hardware store and bought some superglue and came home to stick it all together. Wonder what the grandkids will think of that in 30yrs time (at least kids! I don't want to be a Nana too young now ;) ) 'Poppy, why can't I pull the parts off this car or truck?'

Wonder who will get to explain that one? I also sit and wonder what will take his fancy next, and secretly wishing it would be a love of housework ;) A girl can dream right?

Mrs B x

Making Friends and Annoying Others

2010-11-06T21:34:00.002+10:00

I am not a writer. I'll just preface this post with that incase you came here thinking you might get an intelligent thought provoking read. My style is more 'tell it like it is'. This is how my head works, its how I speak, so I just put down whatever comes out whether it makes sense or not.

It would seem though that my way of 'writing' seems to, shall I put it nicely, pisses people off. Probably not so much on the blog side of things, cause lets face it its been so damn quiet in here you can hear a pin drop. But in other areas online such as forums, emails, good ol' facebook and tonight it would seem commenting on other's blogs.

So how do others handle problems like this? 98% of the time I must admit that I do not aim to start any issues, fuel fires, burn the bridges lol but when it does happen I do sit here at a loss as to what the heck just went on.

If your comments have been taken completely the wrong way, do you try to make amends with these nameless/faceless replies to try and make peace or do you just move on and hope for the best?

My luck in my foot in mouth attempt at trying to make peace would probably only make things worse. So tonight, I shall shut my mouth.

What would you do though?

Bringing it out of submission

2010-11-05T20:26:00.002+10:00

Resurrection time yet again. How many times have I said that this year? Oh well, can only but try right?

I'm not even going to try and do a catch up post cause lets face it, way too much time has elapsed. Plus my memory is crap so trying to remember is not an easy thing lol

So, lets move forward. I am going to try, no that's not positive enough, I WILL be posting often. The posts might be as boring as batshit, but who knows, it might take someone's fancy.

Righty-o then, until tomorrow!

sighs they grow too fast!

2010-06-10T21:21:00.003+10:00

why is it, when you are younger that the days/months/years always seem to go soooo slow? Yet when you get older they fly by so fast? I just don't quite understand it at all.

Today was another one of those days when it all came crashing back on me that my babies are growing up. Why? Well today was 'Open Day' at school for the Preppies of 2011, which means my gorgeous little Master H.

My sweet boy, who turns 4 next weekend is eligible for Prep next year. Am I ready for him to go? Nope I don't think I am. He just seems so little still that it just doesn't seem right at all!

I still really worry if we are doing the right thing by sending the boys to this school. For some reason I have this major pull for homeschooling them, but as I don't know the ins and outs for the state we live in, I just don't know where to start to get info on it. Mind you, i'm not entirely sure MrB would be happy with me homeschooling the kids anyway but I really feel sometimes that it would be far more beneficial for them to homeschool.

Yes I know, there are plenty of people who do not agree with homeschooling, and you know I was one of those people too only a few years back. Now though, my opinions have changed and sway greatly in the want to do this.

Maybe its time to actually look a bit further into this. Gaining info certainly can't hurt, even if we don't put it into practice.

If you do homeschool, or have in the past, i'd love to hear from you!

xxx

My 'To Do' List

2010-06-09T10:42:00.002+10:00

I've decided that if I put it here, it gives me somewhere to 'remember' that I have things that I really want to make. Sort of a place to be accountable LOL Plus then hopefully some people will ask me when they haven't seen me posting 'where is xxxxx?' then it might make me get off my butt and do it!

So what do I want to make?

a Mei Tai carrier for the kids to carry their babies around in. They love pretending to do it by using their shirts, so why not try and make one like I have for Little Lady
a wet bag for the nappies. Ohh I so need one of these! I hate having to plastic bag them when i'm out as i'm scared i'll do a brainless thing and chuck one out accidentally LOL
a taggie blanket each for Little Lady and Master P. This one will require a trip to the fabric store, which could be scary in itself ;) I always walk out with more than what I intend on going for.
some more jewellery. I've got that much stuff here just sitting waiting to be used but have had no inspiration to do it. Mainly because i'm not wearing as much jewellery anymore, so haven't seen the point in making any. Could be making some for others though I guess.
an apron for myself. I don't have one, and often find myself covered in stuff from the kitchen (which goes ever so nicely with the baby vomit that is usually on my shoulders LOL). I bought the fabric and stuff for it before Little Lady arrived, but didn't get to do it as she came earlier than planned. I even had washed it all ready to go!
a couple of skirts, both for myself and Little Lady.

And that's it to start with ;) So lets see how much of this gets done LOL Actually no, thats not very positive is it? It WILL all get done, its out there now, so it will happen.

Now, which one to do first....

xxx

So what's been happening with me?

2010-06-08T22:39:00.002+10:00

*Disclaimer... this post may not actually make sense lol my head works in mysterious ways ;) *

Well it has been a crazy 4 1/2mths since our Little Lady arrived. Both a good crazy, and a just plain OMG crazy as well. Between adjusting to life with a newborn again, becoming a family of 6 and Master L starting school, well yes it has been busy to say the least.

For me, its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, with the highs and lows. Sometimes more lows than highs. I think this had a lot to do with the fact that as soon as I got home from having the Little Lady I really haven't stopped. No real recovery time from the caesarean, which even now is still giving me grief and I do wonder if I had of been able to just stop and rest, maybe I might have healed better by now.

In the last 2 weeks, I have hit the bottom of the barrel. Probably just from lack of sleep, but it certainly hasn't been a good place in my head lately. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my beautiful family. I am so in love with my sweet baby girl its not funny. My boys, ohh they are just so awesome as well and I love them so very much too. I love my husband and am very grateful for him. But, I just don't seem to like myself much lately. I'm not entirely sure what to do with that right now, but I figure admitting it is the first step, so here I am, admitting it on here! I've been trying to make myself feel a bit better, had a haircut, got some new clothes (nothing fitted anymore *sighs* stupid body!), so at least the outer is looking a tiny bit better than it was. The inside however, well its a work in progress. Trying to stay positive and not let myself fall into the spinning vortex, which is not always easy but it is certainly worth the fight!

But i'm trying to take it each day at a time. I think its a good thing that I have to take Master L into school every day, which is giving me a routine and making me get out of the house. I'm not sure I would have been doing that, had I not had that. It has also given me the opportunity to meet new people and be able to have chats with adults rather than just the kids all day. Gosh that really makes a difference some days. My babies are awesome, they will chat till the cows come home LOL but it is nice to have an adult to say hello to as well.

Gosh this post is pretty boring, and i'm doing the usual major ramble, but oh well, thats what blogs are for right?

So, i'm a work in progress ;)

Photo Catch Up...

2010-06-08T21:41:00.010+10:00

Ok, as promised! Yes there are quite a few, but i've tried to put in monthly shots of Little Lady so you can see how much she has grown (I swear, its all in her head LOL she has the chubbiest cheeks now, and yes they are VERY kissable hehe).

Little Lady and Mumma

I love these two photos, Little Lady and her Daddy

awww just too cute, Little Lady 5th June 2010

First time in the big bath, 22nd May 2010 (4mths old)

In her swing, 16th April 2010 (nearly 3mths old)

Trying to get a smile on camera! 27th March 2010 (2mths old)

Precious Angel, one month old today - 22nd February 2010

Master H and Little Lady having a chat - 25th May 2010

Master P and his Little Lady (he likes to 'own' her lol) 24th March 2010

Master P, looking for Easter eggs - 4th April 2010

Master H and Little Lady, they had cuddles and chats for ages this day - 25th May 2010

Master H, posing for Mummy - 3rd April 2010

Master L, Easter Bonnet Parade - 1st April 2010

Master L and Little Lady, having some cuddle time - 1st June 2010

That's all the pics for now! But don't worry, there WILL be more ;)

xxx

Changes Afoot

2010-06-08T09:52:00.002+10:00

If you hadn't noticed (maybe cause you haven't been here before LOL) but i'm undergoing a few changes. First off is a name change. Scrapping Mumma has been changed because heck, i've got 4 little kids, who gets time to scrapbook? So the new title is however a work in progress itself, as that is the only thing that came to mind at some stupid hour last night when I was messing around with my blog.

Secondly, I still haven't uploaded the new pics yet, but I will get onto it very soon then I can move forward and natter about the new things that are happening.

So, if you happen to drop by and the place is looking a bit messy and unkept, or if somethings might be out of place don't worry. Its just replicating what my house looks like LOL Hey can't have everything organised can I? ;)

xxx

Playing Catch Up!

2010-06-06T22:52:00.002+10:00

Ok, time to play catch ups! Seriously though, how do you catch up on 4mths worth of life? Maybe if I did it one person at a time then that might make it a bit easier ;) Oldest to youngest, lets go…

MrB… is going pretty well. Have had a few curveballs thrown at him, but all in all he is adjusting well to being a father of 4 little people and husband to a crazy wife LOL Not much else has changed with him but he is still plodding along.

Me… I’m just me. I’ll talk more about me another time. I need more than a paragraph to catch up.

Master L… oh my sweet big boy. He is doing REALLY well at school. We have had a couple of issues with bullying, but after talking to his teachers it seems that all is going ok now in that respect. They are kept extremely busy, which sometimes is not a good thing in my eyes as they are still little, but he is thriving and according to the parent teacher interview is progressing very well and above where he should be at this time. Yayyy L!!

Master H… my Mumma’s boy hehe. Since my last update, my little BIG boy has not only day toilet trained, but in the past week has now night trained!! We are so very proud and excited as we were wondering if he was ever going to go to the toilet at all. He seemed to have a big fear of it, and wanted nothing to do with it and then bam all of a sudden he is done. Yayyy!! It is now 2 weeks until his 4th birthday, and we are having just a little party for him with some family and close friends. He is super excited because we got all sorts of party stuff that has Spiderman on it, who he LOVES dearly. We have also had a bit of a health scare with him that really got us worried. But after 2 blood tests (oh dear, wasn’t THAT fun.. NOT!) and a few days waiting, we found out that he was low in iron. Nothing else sinister lurking underneath, just low iron. Completely fixable too! This coming Thursday see’s him off to his first Prep Open Day at school. Yes, our second baby will be heading off to school next year. Agghhhh how on earth did they all grow up so fast?

Master P… my cheeky monkey! Oh he is such a delight and such a cheeky thing all rolled into one. This boy is going to give me such a run for my money as he gets older, especially with his temper! He is taking the whole ‘chucking a Paddy’ to a whole new level LOL But in saying that, he is also very loving and ALWAYS up for a chat! He has started to talk so much more now, and has really ‘grown up’ a lot more since Miss A has arrived, whom he loves so dearly. Not a lot has changed for him, but he is doing really well too.

Miss A… gosh where do I start here? Soooo much to catch up on with my Beautiful Princess! She is such a gorgeous baby and is so good. She has slotted in perfectly to complete our family. The boys are so in love with her, she is the apple of Daddy’s eye and my goodness, she is such a Mumma’s Girl and I LOVE it hehehe Anyway, this is what has gone on with our Lil Lady…

Came home at 12 days old, she weighed in at 1.93kg when we broke her out (yes, that is pretty much what we did LOL I talked the Dr into letting us go home, and after much bribery he agreed). She was FULLY breastfed for her first week at home. This is something that I am immensely proud of, as I had never done this before. I’d always comp fed the boys as I never had enough supply, but not this time! Anyway, she had her first paediatrition appointment after leaving the hospital, only to find that she had once again lost weight :( She was now down to 1.8kg. Might not seem much, but at that size 130gms is a lot! So was advised to start formula as well as breastfeeds and this worked a bit. She gained 200gms in 2wks. Finally. Her first gain since being born! Her weight has been very slowly gaining since then, and at 17wks of age, she was double her birth weight – 4.4kg!

So yes, she is still small, but she has put on heaps and has the cutest chubby cheeks now that we all just LOVE to smother in kisses hehe She has a gorgeous nature and has started to babble now, which I so love it when they do that. Ahhh yes, I’m completely in love with her. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely in love with my boys too, but there is just something different that I just cannot explain at all. Maybe it’s a female bonding thing, I’m not sure but whatever it is, she has me wrapped around her beautiful little finger.

There is plenty of pics as we have a new camera in the family (ok, so its my Mum’s but I’ve had a lot of ‘custody’ of it for a little while hehehe), but will put them in a separate post. This will do for now, catch up almost done ;)

xxx

Lost in Transmission

2010-06-05T23:15:00.002+10:00

Wow, been a while since i've blogged and as usual lots has gone on in that time. Time once again to bring the blog back out of hibernation and start writing out those feelings once more.

So stay tuned. I will be back with a bit of an update, some new pics and the usual amount of rambling on that I tend to be so good at LOL

xxx

Our Baby Girl Has Arrived!

2010-01-30T15:09:00.006+10:00

Just a quick update to let those of you who I don't talk to elsewhere or on Facebook know that our sweet little angel has arrived!

She was born at 4:21pm on the 22nd January weighing in at 2210gm (4lb 14oz), 49cms long and 32cms head circumference. She was born at 35wks, so because of that is still in the Special Care Nursery at the hospital.

So far she has dropped 260gms, so is currently 1950gm but she is doing really well. Out of the humidicrib and into the open air cot, off all medications and is breastfeeding like a pro! So now we just have to get some weight on her and we can get her home where she belongs.

It's been quite the big week. Not only have we been like yo-yo's going backwards and forwards to the hospital for feedings, but our big man Master L started school this week! So needless to say we are all feeling tired, emotional and yet excited all at the same time. Will be great when our Lil Miss gets home so that we can find our feet for our new kind of 'normal'!

Ok, here is a couple of photos....

Introducing Miss Amelia Louise

And my BIG boy... Master L

A Nothing Post

2010-01-16T19:48:00.002+10:00

Just thought i'd post, even though I don't have a lot to say right now. Haven't been back to the sewing machine for a few days, haven't had a chance too. Maybe tonight, if the cherubs will co-operate? Yeah, that might be wishful thinking LOL

Still cooking the Lil Miss. Having a few 'issues' on and off but she is still in there cooking away nicely according to the ultrasound I had on Thursday. Looks like she is going to be a weeny one, she is still measuring behind, but growing steady for that rate so that is the main thing.

Hmm what else has happened this week. Oh, turned another year older. Yes, was my birthday on the 12th and whilst it was a pretty average (read boring) day I did get to have some pamper time with a spa pedicure. Haven't had one before, and OMG it was divine! Will definitely be requesting those for future presents again hehe.

Mr B and I were given tickets to the Comedy Club for our birthdays to see Jimeoin The last time (which was also the first) I saw him live was in 1996 and he is still as fabulously hilarious now as he was then. Definitely worthwhile checking him out if you get the chance - even if only to listen to that gorgeous Irish accent *swoon* LOL

Coincedently, the day that we went to see Jimeoin, we were celebrating our anniversary of getting together. 10 whole years! Gosh, crazy that its been that many already.

Anyway, for a bit of a nothing post its turned into something so I shall go now and hopefully get my butt to the sewing machine. Or at least the cutting out table!

xxx

Finished the Skirt!!

2010-01-09T18:15:00.003+10:00

Seriously, I know, its just a skirt and its not like it takes a University degree to make one but I am so excited its not funny LOL I'm going to drive everyone nuts around here, i'm sure of it!

So after much dismay wondering when we were going to get a new sewing machine to get it finished, the wonderful Universe once again provided for us and I have been able to finish off the skirt today.

I top stitched all of the seams, then finished off the side seam. Turned the hem and then had to wait for Master P to wake up to measure his belly for the elastic LOL Yes I know, sounds odd right? But the Little Miss who this skirt is for is about the same size as he is, so Master P became the model for the afternoon. I did have one unpick session though. Mum and I thought that it would be ok to do the hem in white thread, but once it was finished, it just didn't look completely right, so I unpicked and re-did it in black. Much better!!

Anyway... drum roll please.........

Have had to stop for the night because I need to wash the fabric incase it runs onto the top when its washed. But stay tuned for more updates as I continue with the outfit!

My 2nd Sewing Attempt

2010-01-08T18:56:00.003+10:00

I'm participating in my first swap and thought i'd give a bit of an update on what i'm making. Yes, I'M making it ;) I am so excited and can't wait till it is all finished, but right now i've just managed to piece together the fabrics and overlock them together. Next will be sideseams, but unfortunately I ran out of time this afternoon.

So this is the start....

It is a 'Fat Quarter Skirt' that I found whilst checking out different blogs and eventually landing on this one that i'm LOVING 'Confessions of a Sewing Dork' (don't you love the name? hehe) This is the instructions for the skirt.

I'm doing other things with the skirt, but shall reveal them when they get started ;) I'm like a kid with a new toy LOL

Belated Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-27T09:08:00.005+10:00

I didn't get a chance to come on and say Merry Christmas before or on the day but i'm hoping that everyone had a really lovely day celebrating :) :)

We had a great day here. It was just the 5 of us and my parents, but it was a very relaxed and easy going day. Sure the day started at 5:20am (*yawns*) but the boys were so good! Usually there is fights and squabbles over the presents, but not this year :) :) We opened up all the presents, and just sat around taking them out of the packages (what is with some of the packaging!! OMG the amount of twist ties is ridiculous!!) and playing different things before having breakfast.
My folks arrived around 10am, so the unwrapping started again :)

Lunch was YUMMY! BBQ with a table full of salads and then plum pudding and custard for dessert. Then leftovers for dinner, and then lunch and then dinner again LMAO I'm a bit over the leftovers now!!

All in all, we have had a lovely Festive Season this year. Bit hard to believe that this was our last Christmas with just the 5 of us! I'm ready for 2010 now. Almost itching for it to begin as well as the new beginnings that it will bring for us. It's going to be a BIG one I think :)

Merry Christmas!!

Having a Vent at Myself

2009-12-17T22:21:00.002+10:00

Well, here I sit. I've made it to the 30wk mark of the pregnancy and all has been going so well! Usually by this stage i'd have been in hospital at least once for an overnight visit for monitoring. Nope, not this time! Only time i've been there is for my normal hospital appointments, anesthetist visit and for the glucose test. Got to be happy with that!

Well, happy with the way everything has been going, until today. It would seem that my plug is leaving. Now I know that this does not always mean anything. It can happen just before labour begins, or can happen weeks before hand. It has however happened with all 3 boys, and early as well. I am further along now than when it happened with them, so that is also a good thing. But still worrisome at the same time :(

I know I still need to remain positive that all will continue on the smooth path, and that I will get to term. But part of me is also having that 'what if' mindset. I love being pregnant. I love feeling my sweet little girl moving around and pummeling me to an oblivion LOL I love watching my belly grow (ok, so i'm not as big as others at this stage, but i'm still getting bigger!) But it would seem that this whole pregnancy gig is just not all that good bodywise for me. It's almost as if my body starts to regject it all when I hit the 3rd trimester. So it is a good thing that I am feeling very finished that this is our last baby. It's not fair on any of the family to go through this again, and even more so, not fair on the growing baby or on my body to even consider doing this again.

I always wondered if I would ever feel DONE. But I do now. And i'm at a complete peace with that. I can't wait until Lil Miss is here (although a few more weeks will do just nicely thank you!) to move past the pregnancy stage once and for all and start our life as a family of 6 :) :)

Legs crossed for AT LEAST another 4 weeks ;)

My Name is Mrs B

2009-12-08T23:02:00.003+10:00

and I have an addiction.

Yes, i'm admitting it, in the hopes that it might ease a little bit but I don't think it will LOL

This is what i'm now addicted too....

not a bad stash considering its been less then 2mths since we started using MCN's. The row on the far right are covers (all 17 of them..oops LOL) which were originally used with the terry flat squares while I built up this lot. Not a bad one for 2 boys in full time nappies, and also starting to get a stash of little ones for the Lil Miss.

Hey Cass, I am LOVING the Itti D'lish nappies!! The larges fit Master H and Master P perfectly! I know how much you love them, so I know you would be happy to hear that they work so well for us too ;)

Slack Much??

2009-12-06T14:32:00.004+10:00

Well, its a quiet Sunday afternoon here, so thought i'd have a bit of a catch up again since its been a while, once again oops LOL

The thing is, although it seems like we haven't stopped, there isn't a great deal that has been going on around here. Boys are a bit crazy, but hey its the crazy season isn't it LOL They are good though, so that's the main thing.

Pregnancy is going ok. Have had a few more problems in the last week, and even though i'm taking it very easy, it seems those times that I do seems to make the action start. How that works I have NO idea but its slow down time, and i'm ok with that so its all good.

One thing that I have been going a bit nuts over is i've converted us to MCN's (modern cloth nappies) instead of the disposables. We are pretty much full time clothies now and ohh its so much better! The boys LOVE their fluffy bums, and actually hate it when they go to kindy and use disposables. Funny how to start with they weren't fussed, didn't last long though before they were hooked too LOL Although i'm wondering if they just love it that Mummy is slightly addicted which means lots of 'Fluffy Mail' parcels being delivered hehehe Will take a pic of our 'stash' soon.

Hmm what else. Ohh I finally got some decent AFTER photos of Master H's tongue after he had his tongue tie surgery done. Here he is...

Ok, so they aren't the best photos in the world, but it shows the difference between them pretty well.

Alright, just realised that I haven't even posted any photos of Master P's birthday, so will go through those and be back later on with a photo post ;)

Look What I Made!

2009-11-23T22:09:00.002+10:00

Ok, so they aren't perfect (LMAO sooooo far from it, it's not funny!) but I made them. Me. Mrs B who hasn't gone near a sewing machine since yr 12 Home Economics when it was dismal effort. I really wish I had photos of my high school sewing attempts but hey, its probably also a damn good thing I don't LOL.

My Mum had bought over her sewing machine and overlocker last week to get going with making all the stuff that she wants to do for the little girl's room. She also finished making the boys curtains, which will be up this week (got to get new rods). Anyway, because i've been bugging her to teach me to sew and she hasn't had time yet, well I thought i'd try myself.

Yup, ALL BY MYSELF!!

LOL scary stuff let me just say that.

Anyway, I found some material here that really didn't matter what happened to it. Let's face it, I wasn't expecting them to turn out at all. So I got the pattern out and got to work. After one false start, some googling and a quick trip to the craft shop for some bias tape, I came home and got to work.

All was going really well until I got to the top of the pants, half way around and realised that i'd run out of cotton on the bobbin LOL BUGGER! By this time I had to go and get the boys from kindy, so had to finish them off tonight after they went to sleep.

I'm so proud right now its ridiculous. Why? Because Mum doubted me. BIGTIME! Even my grandmother doubted me. But I managed to actually make the pants, with no help from either of them. And yes, they are lop sided but that's ok, I know what I need to change for next time LOL

Anyway, here they are.....

Now, off to find something else to make ;)

This is what happens (pics)

2009-11-12T22:22:00.007+10:00

When your big brother leaves a felt pen in the bedroom, at arms reach of a nearly 2yr old.....

*sighs* Guess what i'll be doing first thing in the morning. And yes, he is damn lucky he is so cute and that his Daddy warned me BEFORE I walked into the room that I needed to see the funny side of it before I got cranky. Oh, and its all over his doona cover too, it just didn't photograph very well.

*sighs*

I think there is an echo in here

2009-11-05T11:21:00.003+10:00

Once again, a very neglected blog *sighs* I think I should stop saying to myself that i'm going to start writing more often, because its when I do that, that I actually stop!

Have been busy around here, yet i'm not entirely sure why? Have been shopping with Mum a few times lately, which isn't always a good thing hehe But we have been scoring some great bargains in our efforts at doing up the boy's bedroom and also making the Little Girl's bedroom ready for her. Needless to say this means a LOT of sewing for Mum to do, but she is always up for a challenge and at the end of the day loves doing it so she is happy :)

Can't wait till the rooms are done so I can post some pics too!!

I've also been bitten by the MCN (modern cloth nappies for those playing at home ;) ) bug in an effort to try and save some money around here. Utterly ridiculous spending in excess of $50 a fortnight on things that just go on bums and then get thrown away, so we have now swapped to clothies full time during the day. And you know what? I'm actually finding it just as easy to do as the sposies!! Now if I could find a nappy that works for nighttimes we would be fully converted.

Master L had his school interview last Thursday which went really well. We got to once again meet one of the prep teachers, who was absolutely lovely and i'm really asking the Universe ever so nicely if she can be his teacher next year. On Saturday we go back to school again for a 'Prep Play Morning' which should be fun if its anything like the orientation day. Can't believe that my baby will be going to big school next year. Still only feels like yesterday that he was born!

Master H has had an interesting couple of weeks which have included 2 hospital visits. First one was after he twisted his arm as he was getting up and managed to twist the tendons in his arm. After the icepack didn't do anything we packed him up in the car and off to the emergency department we went. Luckily the paediatric Dr was there and not busy, so he saw us quickly, told us what he thought it was and twisted the tendons back into place. All fixed, in and out of the ED within 30mins! Gosh, if only all of the visits were that fast hehe

Second visit came yesterday. Master H was born with a tongue tie. No worries, we were told he should outgrow it, or at least it will lessen over time, but it actually got worse. So after having some problems speaking and eating we got in to see a surgeon who agreed that it was quite significant and needed to be divided. Took a while for his turn to come up, but we thought it was going to be much longer but as a cancellation came, we got him in earlier. He was so brave and had no worries at all, until it came time for me to put him on the bed so they could put him under. Nope didn't want a bar of that so they put him to sleep in my arms. A very surreal experience that one, and yes I did cry but not until i'd left him laying on the bed. They cauterized his tongue and it was over and done with VERY quickly. Took him a while in recovery to come around properly as he was having breathing problems, so if he ever has to have a general anesthetic again, we have to make sure to tell them. He managed to eat before we left the hospital, and although he had a temp at one stage last night had a great nights sleep.

Today however his tongue is swollen and sore so he is finding it very hard to drink and eating just isn't happening. Hopefully it won't last too long otherwise we will end up back at the hospital cause he will be dehydrated!

Nothing much happening with Master P, other than its 2wks till his 2nd birthday. He is up to mischief any chance he can get but also knows how to play the 'i'm cute' card LOL Cheeky kid ;)

All is going well with the pregnancy. I'm 24wks now, and things seem to be going slowly at the moment. Have a few issues when i've done too much, or sometimes travelling in the car, but otherwise all is good. We potentionally have a name, as of this morning, but i'm guessing it will be up for more discussion later on LOL Still cannot get over how hard it is to name this one compared to the boys!! I've got an obstetricians appointment next Thursday, so will see how everything is going then.

Time to go and get some lunch for everyone. Between food prep and washing, a Mumma's work is never done LOL

I Think I've Gone Mad!

2009-10-18T08:30:00.002+10:00

I have never been a crafty person. Yes I do like looking at crafts, admire greatly those who create beautiful things but for me, I think I was standing behind the door when those talents were handed out LOL The only thing that i've really ever been able to do was scrapbooking, and heck even that is basic because that is all I had been around. None of the fancy shmancy pages that you see in the scrapbooking magazines, you just didn't 'do' things like that with the people I learnt with. So even my only real creative outlet is pretty, well boring really.

Oh I do loving making jewellery, but due to my eyes going crazy with the up-close work, I stopped doing it. Getting massive headaches really didn't help the creative process at all!

So why is it last night, whilst laying in bed getting ready to drift off to sleep did I get the sudden urge to start making stuff? What 'stuff' do you say? Well, sewing some cute little nappy covers for the Little Girl (who is still nameless btw!!), making a couple of bracelets for my Mum (ok, so this one is completely 'doable'), also making some headbands/bows for the Little Girl as well. Heck even I even decided to make the covers and also applique a heart onto a plain white singlet from the same material that the covers were made from so that she could have a cute little set to keep her cool during the warmer months.

In my head, its all worked out. It's just a matter of getting it out of there and to actually make the stuff LOL

Now, let me just tell you a bit of background here and then maybe you will understand just WHY i'm posting this. I failed Home Economics at school. Yes, I did 4 years of the damn subject at highschool, and whilst I passed the cooking side of things, the sewing side resulted in a dismal effort. I had the same teacher in yrs 11 and 12, and she was the loveliest teacher you could ask for, very helpful and wise but even she used to scratch her head at my sewing attempts LOL At one point during one of our final assessment pieces (which was a skirt and top) she had me take them home (which was a big no-no!) and get my Mum to help me because I was so far behind that i'd never get it finished LOL Oops!!

So needless to say, me and sewing are a bit of a laughable subject in my family! My Mum and Nan are fabulous with sewing. Heck Nan used to be a dressmaker, making wedding gowns and the whole bridal party outfits. Mum, well she has been sewing forever and has made many beautiful outfits as well. She is currently getting ready to make curtains for the boys room, and then onto making the quilt, nappy stacker and curtains for the Little Girl's room (got the material for it the other day!).

Maybe its all this that has sparked my interest? Maybe its the 3 visits to Spotlight in the last week, also a trip to a patchwork and craft material shop and lets not forget Lincraft. Mum offered me a few weeks ago to teach me again, or at least try LOL but I just laughed it off asking if she realised what she was saying. She thinks that perhaps I just wasn't ready before and that now I could actually do it. Maybe it was that little bit of confidence that has made me want to do this?

I think its pretty funny actually, but right now its taking all my power not to get everyone into the car and head down to the shops and get some materials/threads/crazy stuff that i'll probably only use the once.

I wonder if this is how others started? The idea is stuck and I am thinking that i'm going to HAVE to make something (or at least TRY) before it will go away LOL

Should be interesting anyway LOL And don't worry, I will subject you all to seeing what I create hehehe

Please Indulge Me

2009-10-17T19:59:00.002+10:00

I'm trying to think positively lately, especially in regards to the pregnancy and how amazing it will be to add a daughter to our family. But, right now, I really need to have a whinge.

Yes, I know, its not the 'right' thing to do and many people do not like it when pregnant women whinge. I also realise how precious of a miracle we have been blessed with and there are those out there who are not so lucky and I do feel for them (we too suffered infertility before conceiving Master L).

But I have to let this out, and this is as good a place as any right now.

Pregnancy and I, it would seem, just do not mix. This time was meant to be different. You know, that eternal hope and dream that each one will be different and there wouldn't be the problems that happened in any of the others, happening again this time. Well, seems I was wrong again :(

Right now i'm sitting here in pain. Pain from the braxton hicks that are once again regular. I have that much pressure going on its crazy! Heck i'm only 21wks gone!!! Why does this happen, and why is it getting earlier and earlier?

The real kicker is, I've done hardly anything today at all. I even got to have a 2hr sleep this afternoon as I was feeling so yucky. I'd expect to feel so crappy and to have all these braxton hicks had I of had a busy day, but nope, not at all :(

I'm also sitting here and wishing I was further along. This kind of stuff really does scare me, and yes I know, it has happened with the last 2 pregnancies, but I was much further along before any of this started. Usually its around the 27wk mark that this starts, but not this time :(

I'm also finding a peace in the fact that this will be our last baby. I was pretty happy with this being it, but now that this crap is happening already, it just sets it in stone if that makes sense?

Sorry to be in such a downer, but i'm feeling like crap and need to let it out while I sit here with my feet up doing nothing. This blog has been a bit of a 'baby blog' lately, sorry about that! Hopefully my next post will be more positive.

Couple of Pics!

2009-10-02T10:08:00.003+10:00

Thought i'd post them seperately since that last post was so huge.

19wks

really just feeling fatter than normal LOL certainly a lot of padding to hide in!

ahhh pink retail therapy!! MrB decided that she needed a rattle that was pink, so that was his contribution to the afternoon. So hard not to go completely crazy with girl stuff! Hey its not like we have been able to head to the girls section before, unless buying a present for someone else, and hey half of them are boys anyway LOL

19wk Update

2009-10-02T09:52:00.002+10:00

Well, what an interesting afternoon! Ob appointment was at 2pm, now normally we wait around for at least an hour before being seen, well we were there for maybe 15mins before being called. So to start with I was like 'WTF??' lol

Anyway, walk in, and meet the Ob, she was so very nice! Found out that she is the director of obstetrics and gynecology, and was seeing me because of the issue of me wanting a VBA2C.

She wanted to know exactly what happened with all 3 births so far, and to establish all of the problems that I have with Master P's birth. She went right through my medical file for Master P's birth with me, explained everything, sat shocked at majority of it and shaking her head. She also went on to tell me that the fact the Dr who performed the surgery did not stop when I said I could feel everything he was doing, is actually classed as an assault in the eyes of the law. Hmmm not what I was expecting to hear, believe me! She was also appalled to find out that even in my records, there is conflicting reports between the anesthesiologist and the Dr who performed the caesar. So, needless to say, she was not impressed and completely understood why I did not want another caesar.

She then went onto to tell me her experience with ruptures, and after going right through the records and reading how bad my adhesions were (the report my GP got was a basic half page summary of what happened it would seem, the notes she read through with me explained exactly the adhesions and the severity of them) she was very worried about if I do rupture, that it would take them at least 15mins to get through the previous scar tissues just to get to the baby. She has done it before, but the baby was compromised and has suffered some brain damage as a result. Not a possible outcome that we are wanting to take.

So, after thorough discussions in regards to MY case (not just the generic, no way/no how crap I got last time) she then also went on to say that they cannot force me to have a caesar, and that it is my body and my choice how I deliver the baby, but in her honest opinion, mainly given my adhesions, she would not suggest I do it.

She then went on to say, that if I agree to the caesar, that she will do absolutely everything in her power to make the experience a happy one, not a traumatic one like last time. So, with all that info and explanations on board, I have decided to go ahead and agree to the caesar.

After I agreed, she asked what she could do to make it all go more smoothly. So that is when I started with my 'requests' lol. She started writing out our plans for the birth (seems weird doing it at 19wks but at least she was prepared LOL) and the first on the list was ... 'adequate pain relief and analgesia' (obviously, this is the main issue surrounding Master P's birth, that I felt it all until they sedated me). I then said that I want to see the baby being pulled out of me, so with the curtain down. I have absolutely no issues with seeing myself during surgery, have seen pictures of my insides before and I find it more intriguing than gross by it. She is very happy for this to happen, and hopefully she will be performing the surgery herself and she has no issues at all, but if another Dr does, then the light above is to be put in such a way that I can see the reflection. With Master P's birth, stupid me said 'ohhh cool I can see whats going on in the reflection' and the horrible theatre nurse moved the light and said 'well now you can't' *sighs*

The other biggy was, as long as she isn't in a compromised situation, the baby is to stay as close to MrB and I as possible, ie, either on mine or MrB's arms. None of this over the other side of the room crap, or taken out in a humidicrib (Master L had that happen, and there was nothing wrong with him). I want her with us. She agreed to that, as long as there is nothing wrong with bubs that she requires help, but she will be wrapped up because its so cold in the theatre.

The last one that we could think of today was that we want photos! I have seen STACKS of people who have photos of their caesars, including before the baby comes out, to just the head being out, and then all of the baby but we don't have any of those. She could not believe that we weren't allowed to take those last time (or the first time either!). I said we were allowed to take pics, but only when Master P was under the heater and on the scales. Also have a pic of my placenta (I know, i'm weird, but i'm so curious as to all of this I HAD to have pics LOL). So she has written down that there has to be pictures taken, even if its by a nurse, if MrB gets a bit squeemish and can't do it himself.

Oh, and lastly, under no circumstances is the surgery to commence without a senior consultant, head obstetrician or herself there. Master P's surgery was done by a new consultant and there was no other Ob/consultant there. She was thinking that things could have been different with Master P's had there been a senior there to watch over what was going on. Hindsight huh??

Anyway, over an hour we spent with her, and at the end she said that I could still see the midwives or I could just see the Ob's it was up to me. When I said I was happy either way, she then went on to ask if I would be happy to just see her for the rest of my appointments (not something that you usually get in the public system, here its a whoever pulls your file off the top of the pile lottery!!). So I immediately said I would definitely like that, as it keeps everything the same and no other opinions etc being thrown in to disrupt it all. Needless to say, both MrB and I are VERY happy with that! She was also tempted to actually book the caesar date, but then thought about it for a minute and said that she highly doubts that I will go to term, so no point really. If I do go into labour early, I have to ring the hospital straight away, and she will do her darnedest to get to the hospital to do the surgery. If I can keep my legs closed, and this baby girl nice and toasty, she will be delivered at 39wks!

We left the appointment in a far better frame of mind than last time. Although I am still sad I won't birth her naturally, I am feeling far more at peace that no matter when it happens there is a plan in place (photocopied and given to the NUM of maternity, so she is clued in on it all too) to make sure that nothing like last time happens again.

It's amazing how much the appointment has put me at ease with it all, and helped move me another step forward from the trauma of Master P's birth. No, it won't leave me entirely, I do not expect those feelings to just disappear, but to have some of the things validated and explained really does help.

Oh My Gosh!!!

2009-09-15T22:55:00.002+10:00

We found a place that is just down the road from us that does all sorts of special pregnancy ultrasounds. Anyway, I found out that they do a 10-15min gender determination scan and we decided that we would get it done. I've been feeling hmm, not even sure the words, but just not attached the way that I have been in the past with the boys. I don't know if its from the thoughts of birth, the unresolved trauma from Master P's birth or what, but just something that wasn't the same and it has really been getting me down. So we decided to get this scan done before the big morphology scan in the hopes that it will help.

We took Master H with us, which was great! Master L didn't want to come, so he and Master P went to my parent's house. Master H loved it, thought it was very cool to see his little 'H's' (he has been saying there is 3 babies in there, and they are all going to be called H - the same name as his LOL). Funnily enough, when we got in the room, there was 3 screens, so the poor boy thought that meant there was 3 babies!! So much for taking him in the hopes of making him realise there is only one in there LOL

So the lady was talking and asking questions about the boys, and I said to her that I was highly doubtful that it would be a girl, we just don't know how to make those together. She then said, you think? I just looked at her, and she said well... 'its a Girl'. I didn't believe her LOL Told her to look again, and she did, and she said 'no, look see its definitely a girl, there is the 3 lines, and there is nothing else there'. I looked over at MrB, and I said 'honey!!' and he was like 'what, I was showing H so I didn't hear, what?' So we said again that its a girl, and he was like OMG, what, noooo. Really?' LOL His reaction was so cute and funny!!

After that, I cried (yeah I know, big girly wuss aren't I LOL) and the lady checked all different ways to really make sure that she is definitely a she. Then she turned the 4D scan on for a few minutes so we could see the Babe moving around. Unfortunately no pics because that was in the bigger package that we weren't getting (prefer to do that at a later stage of the pregnancy) but the morph scan is in 2 weeks, and we will get a CD of pics then.

I am still in shock. It's a girl!! OMG!! We are going to have a daughter!! My sons are going to have a baby sister! So VERY, VERY excited!! :) :) :) :)

16 Weeks Today!

2009-09-09T21:06:00.003+10:00

Wow, these weeks are really flying by! Which is good and bad, once again because this is it, and it will be over all too soon. BUT then we will have our newest little treasure to go nuts over, so its all good ;)

Got to see our little Belly Babe this week due to having a scan on Monday. Have been having quite a lot of pain in my caesar scar, so the Dr sent me for an ultrasound to make sure nothing sinister was happening in there. All appears ok for now, from what the tech could see, but there was parts that weren't showing all too well, so will have to check them out again at the morphology scan on the 30th (3wks today!!). Was great to see the Babe jumping around in there, although the scan itself was rather painful.

Other than that, have been really sick with a bad sinus infection that really knocked me for six. Between me having that, all 3 boys with sinus (got to love the Orange Blossom along the back fence! NOT!) and then Master L deciding that a gastro bug would be fun to get over the weekend, we haven't done much at all. All 3 boys got to go to kindy today, so at least they got out and had some fun with their friends today.

Gosh, what a boring update. Oh well, better than none at all right? LOL Hopefully the next update will be more exciting ;)

16 Weeks Belly Photo

I Have an Addiction

2009-09-04T11:38:00.003+10:00

And its BAD! Every opportunity I get right now, I just have to indulge in my addiction. It's getting to the point where even the kids ask me what i'm doing and if i'm going to have to have it again. They just don't understand, they follow their father who thinks my addiction is horrible. Me personally, I just cannot understand how they could not partake in my little pleasure. Although right now i'm actually grateful because that means all the more for me.

So what IS this addiction that has me so taken over at the moment? Well it would be these....

Australian Avocados! Oh my, that soft creamy green goodness.... I think its been the healthiest thing i've craved in a long time LOL Sure, I still LOVE chocolate far too much right now. And juice, ohhhh my goodness I think I drank 1 litre of Apple and Guava juice last night alone. But these green bad boys, oh they taste SO good right now!!

Oh, look at the time ;) It's nearly lunch time, which means, you guessed it, avocado toasted sandwich for me!!

(I know, i'm a worry aren't I LOL)

15wk Belly Pic!

2009-09-02T21:23:00.004+10:00

As much as I love being pregnant, I am so excited for this new little belly babe to join us Earthside, so i'm loving that the weeks are going by so fast. Mind you, I know that as soon as he/she is here I will be missing it all so very much again and wish for the time back. Ahh catch 22, right? LOL

Physically all is going really well. Back pains can go away, but figure that there is some major stretching and growing going on to make those happen, so just trying to ignore it as much as possible. Have been feeling a few little flutters and movements, ohhh how I LOVE that part! Just know that right now, i'm the only one to be able to feel it, makes it special. Part of the bonding process between the babe and myself. I love it when MrB and the boys are able to feel things too, but its almost like right now, its my little secret ;)

Anyway, emotionally i'm on a major rollercoaster, that seemed to hit its peak yesterday as I spent most of the day in tears. Have found a great place to help work through it to get to a point where moving forward won't be quite so hard. Will never forget, but hopefully the impact will lessen gradually through time.

So, onto what i'm here for!! Taken tonight, at 15wks :)

Please excuse my puppy pj's LOL It has turned a bit chilly up here again at night time and my flanny pj's are the most comfortable thing I own, pants wise LOL Pity help me when it gets hotter!!

Letting Go

2009-09-01T09:54:00.002+10:00

Why do I have such problems with letting go of things? I am really struggling at the moment to put stuff behind me and move forward. Obviously the issue needs to be dealt with but I have no idea how to do that. I'm sure i'm annoying the daylights out of everyone around me because its at the forefront of everything at the moment and I don't know how to stop that.

Maybe i'm not meant to stop it? But at what price? Heck, even my blog is getting filled with this lately. So, if you reading and sick of it all, i'm sorry, but i'm really not sure where else to let it out. Yes, MrB will listen, but he doesn't 'get it'. My Mum will listen too, but also doesn't get it fully either. They are sort of listening but when it comes to the actual point i'm trying to make all they think about is the 'statistics' that the hospital are spouting.

Why can't I be like other women that I have read about. Their body, THEIR decision. No matter what anyone else says, they do it the way THEY want. Why can't I do that? I seem to have to 'make people happy' and that means giving in to their ideals. Is it simply a lack of confidence in myself or is it more than that? I've been doing this all my life, so obviously its just my 'nature' now, but when does it stop, when can it be MY say?

As I keep telling people, yes, I have issues. I don't know how to work through them, i'm stuck in what seems to be a memory rut. I don't want to annoy people with this, but i'm sure I am.

Why can't I do as some people say and just 'get over it'?

An Award! Oh My!!

2009-08-29T18:58:00.005+10:00

Imagine my surprise this afternoon when I was having a quick read at Cassie-Ann's this afternoon and found that she had awarded me with this....

I've never had an award before, so thank you Cass for giving it to me! Definitely go and check out Cass's blog if you haven't already, she has the most adorable children and is a pretty Super Mum if you ask me!!

With this award, the idea is to tell everyone 7 things that you wouldn't already know, and then when i've finished, pick 7 other 'Kreativ Blogger's' to receive the award. So here goes...

1. I have an irrational fear of drowning. Honestly I have no idea when it started or why, but the thought of going on a boat gives me cold shivers and makes me want to run to the desert to get away from the water LOL

2. I am obsessive when it comes to pegs and hanging out the washing. If it the piece of clothing requires 2 pegs, they HAVE to be the same colour/style of peg. I do know others who are worse LOL but hey, this is bad enough.

3. I am an only child, and I still resent the fact that I don't have any siblings. Not sure why, heck i'm 30 I should be over it by now, but as I get older it really stands out for me more that i'm it.

4. Even though my family me absolutely EVERYTHING to me and I treasure every moment with them, I also crave alone time. Think this is an only child thing, but I don't cope very well if I don't get at least a little bit of alone time each day.

5. When I was younger I always hated staying over other people's houses. It took me many years to be ok with it. Even to the point of not going on school camps because the thought of being away from home for even 2 nights just made me very anxious.

6. I always wanted to be pregnant or have at least one child by the time I was 25, even to the point where if I had to be a single Mum, I would have (luckily I didn't have to, and I was pregnant with Master L at 25!).

7. When I get cranky I clean. Quite a handy thing really and you can quite often tell if i've been in a bad mood cause the house is clean to within an inch of its life LOL It calms me down quickly and gives me back that sense of achievement that sometimes gets lost around here.

Wow, didn't think i'd get to the end of that. Who would have thougth that 7 things would make me think so hard LOL

The 7 'Kreativ Blogger's' that I nominate are (in no particular order!)....

1. Bec at http://ourcrazycrazyworld.blogspot.com/

2. Sam at http://spirited1au2.blogspot.com/

3. Deb at http://debsvoyage.blogspot.com/

4. Toni at http://serenitycreek.blogspot.com/

5. Jen at http://jenniferann75.blogspot.com/

6. Clare at http://craftycowcreations.blogspot.com/

7. Kwebbel at http://scrapbookinghohenlohe.blogspot.com/

Have fun :) :)

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

2009-08-28T13:02:00.003+10:00

So last night, after I wrote that last post, I decided to get an early night. Before I went to sleep I was able to have a bit of internal reflection time and try to work out in my head what it was that I was really worried about with everything.

Obviously I don't want to be feeling the horrible pain like I did with Master P's caesar, but I also do not want a general anesthetic. To me, that is a far me unbearable thought, missing out on the first few hours of my precious baby's life because i'm knocked out.

The other thing that I so desperately missed out on with Master P's birth is the fact that I never got to hold him straight away. Yes, I know he needed to go to the Special Care Nursery (SCN) but he was also able to breath on his own, so he could have been on my chest for a few minutes before being whisked away. The only baby that i've had to cuddle straight away is Master H, and I can remember every single moment of that time (even when he pee'd on me LOL).

So this has all lead me onto my next train of thought. If I actually give into the fact ahat it is more than likely I will have a caesar, then there are steps I want put in place to help ease the whole situation. Like asking for the baby to be put straight on my chest. Not wrapped up, but on my chest, with a blanket over the two of us. The only other person to hold would be MrB (obviously unless there is some kind of medical necessity that requires the baby to be checked over, i'm not that selfish to not allow that!). If for some reason I am not allowed to have the baby in recovery with me, then he/she is to stay with MrB at all times. And the other thing that I do want, I want the screen down so that I can actually see the baby being pulled out. Yes, can be horrible for some to even consider that, but that is another part of the caesars that are hard for me to get over mentally (yes, I am a mental case aren't I?!). I watched Master H's head crown and every bit of him slither out (I had a mirror) so why can't I see my other babies come out?

Surely that doesn't sound like too much to ask for is it?

I also realise that yes, i'm 14wks pregnant, I have plenty of time to sort all this stuff out. I also realise that to a lot of people I should just suck it all up and get over it all, give in to the fact that i'm having the surgery and do it the way that its done for everyone else. Is it wrong of me to want something different? Am I a bad person for wanting this to be made more special? If I am not allowed to birth my baby in the way that I want, surely its not a bad thing for me to be wanting these things to happen.

If you got this far, well done. Sorry if I sound like i'm a broken record, but mentally this is a big thing for me.

14 Weeks and the Ob Appointment

2009-08-28T12:55:00.002+10:00

I've copied this from a forum I spend time at, sorry for anyone who is reading this twice ;) I figured I typed it all out once, may as well just copy it on over (how slack?? LOL)

Well, what an afternoon yesterday was. Took over an hour to be seen (oh yes, I so love public once again), then get called in by one of the Obs I saw with P. He is nice enough but very hard to understand, so spent a few times asking him to repeat (gosh I hate doing that, I feel so very rude!). Blood pressure was good 110/70, heard Bub's heartbeat (by far the BEST part about the whole afternoon) and all seems to be measuring well. He noticed that I was due for a pap smear, so I got to have one of those lovelies too. Will get the results from that next visit in 5wks time (unless something comes up before hand).

So anyway he never said anything about the caesar, so I did. It is the hospitals policy that they will not allow any trials of any sort for a VBA2C. They are a Level 2 hospital and have no ICU, only a High Dependency Unit and because of that they cannot take the risk. According to the Dr after the first caesar you have a 1 in 200 risk of rupture, well it goes to 1 in 100 in subsequent caesars.

So I kept on, being positive and said well what if I'm adamant about not having another one, what happens then. Well apparently after my morphology scan they will 'review my case with a consultant' and after that they will decide if they will refer me onto the Mater in the city. It would then be up to the consultants at the Mater to decide if anyone would be willing to take on my case considering how high risk it would be, it is 'highly unlikely' but he couldn't say for sure.

He then went on to ask why so I said that it was because of the last caesar being so traumatic and how I don't want to be put into that position again. He thought I meant after the actual surgery and I said 'ohhh that wasn't the greatest but i'm talking about DURING!' So he flicked back through my notes from Master P's birth (you know, the ones that i've requested months ago and still no word about them) and it states that my spinal did not work properly and that is why they sedated me. I said I know that, I felt pretty much everything they did but waited until I knew my baby was ok before saying anything.

The look on his face at that point was pretty priceless actually. He then went on to say that if I did have to have another caesar that they could do a general and then I would have to worry about any of that. Well sorry buddy, but I want that even less than the actual caesar!! Heck, I have had enough problems bonding with my caesar babies after they have been born without having to deal with missing the first few hours of their birth due to being knocked out.

So needless to say I wasn't in a very good headspace last night. Nothing can be even thought of until I have my 18-20wk scan and then head back to the Dr's clinic on the 1st October.

Oh he did tell us one story. One lady was so set on having a vaginal delivery after her 2 previous caesars that when she went into labour, she stayed at home until the last possible moment and then went in. She did deliver vaginally, and had a bit of a bleed (which he didn't say was a rupture, but just said bleed) but they had no choice but to deliver because she was so far gone.

Ahhh yes, my 'plan B' ;) I have thought about doing that too. Even Mum who was here looking after the kids said 'well what's stopping you from doing that?'

But anyway, not a very positive afternoon - well except for hearing Bub's heartbeat! I shall just hold onto that for now.

13 Weeks Today!

2009-08-19T21:18:00.002+10:00

Wow, 13wks today. Some days it feels like its going slowing, and yet these Wednesday's seem to come round awfully fast, signaling a new week. Well pregnancy week anyway LOL

All has been going pretty well. Morning sickness has been so good for the past week, yet today seems to have reared its ugly head again. Oh well, its all good as it makes me feel like there is something still going on. Yes, at this stage before movement its hard to actually feel pregnant, if that makes sense?

Been thinking lots and doing research into my options in regards to labour. I was told by the Ob who delivered Master P that I would have to have a caesarean if I got pregnant again. Well, I really hate it when people tell me how to handle my body, especially when it may not be necessary to HAVE to do it. I've read lots lately of women having VBA2C, (vaginal birth after 2 caesareans) and since i've already had one VBAC i'd really like to try for another. It's not like my body CAN'T give birth, the circumstances surrounding the last caesar was mainly due to the Dr.

I also know that there are many around who might think i'm absolutely crazy to not just 'go with the flow' and give into having the caesar, but after the horrible trauma I was put through with the last one, I really don't want to just lay down and let someone who has no idea about my body make the decisions.

I'm sure next Thursday at my Ob appointment will be an interesting one!

Anyway, I know last week I said i'd post a belly pic, well I didn't end up getting one taken BUT I took one tonight so I shall post it instead!

My pants are certainly starting to notice the difference as my belly grows, wonder if this means i'm going to be huge this time LOL

A Weekend Away

2009-08-18T09:56:00.005+10:00

We were lucky this weekend, and headed up to my Aunt's house on the Sunshine Coast. We haven't been up there since Boxing Day last year, and it was so nice to just get away for a couple of days and regroup as a family. Sure, we do spend lots of time together, but daily life usually gets in the way and its not always a 'fun' time. Well we certainly had fun! A couple of trips to the beach (which was a street away from Aunty's house), yummy food, a bit of shopping and then finished off with a trip to Underwater World. The boys had an awesome time, and it was so nice just to be 'us' again. Didn't get to catch up with anyone up there that I know, but the trip really was just for us to be together. Hopefully next time I can catch up with some friends up there, as we are hoping to do it more often.

Here are some pics from our time up there....

King's Beach, Caloundra

MrB - one of nicest photos of him in a long time. Usually he is pulling faces LOL

MrB, Master P and Master H digging a hole in the sand. Lots of fun!

Master L, my gorgeous big boy loved the beach!

How I love this photo! MrB and Master P on the way down to paddle in the water.

Master L and Master H digging with their new rakes before the wave came in and they ran away

At the waters edge, Master P being watchful of the incoming water.

Master H, he had such an awesome time digging in the sand. Beautiful boy!

In the shark's jaw at Underwater World. Not a great shot, but it was very dark in there and my flash wasn't working how it should have!

At the wharf area near Underwater World, we found this Crocodile who was giving the thumbs up sign, so the boys thought they would too.

12 Weeks Today!!

2009-08-12T16:04:00.002+10:00

Woohooooo!! In some books that would mean i'm in now starting the 2nd Trimester, as Mr B ever so kindly pointed it out that really that can't be right cause it didn't make sense to his brain how 12 weeks can be a 3rd of 40wks. I then also said 'yes but Honey, when have gone past 37wks yet?' LOL He relented and said good point, your in the 2nd trimester now.

So what's been happening? Well not much at all! Gosh this first part is the 'boring bit' isn't it? Give me a few weeks further when the movements start happening and that is when I get more excited (ok, I already am, but even MORE excited LOL). The movements make me feel that much more comfortable and tell me that yes, Mrs B, you really ARE pregnant!

Have been a bit ambitious and already bought a couple of things. We needed a new swing since Master P managed to break ours that we have had since Master L was born. It was a great swing, but oh my gosh, the one I scored off Ebay is worlds apart! It rocks, I LOVE it!

We also splurged yesterday. We went shopping to pick up a new bed for Master P (that is another post in itself!) and there was a baby shop nextdoor. So me, being me, just HAD to go in and have a look, and if I went in it meant we all went in LOL Well Mr B found the pram first, I kept walking and looking at another lot that I loved. Anyway, I came back and checked out the one he liked, which was very similar to the one that I liked only the wheel base was a bit thinner so it would be easier to get through doorways/aisles etc. Anyway, wasn't entirely fussed on the price, so we jumped back in the car and drove a few more minutes to another baby shop that we have bought from before and ended up getting it from there, for $30 cheaper. You know me, always love a bargain! Can't wait to give it a test run. Pity the boys were at kindy today otherwise I would have taken them for a walk to try it out.

I'll post some pics later on, need to take them first (oops!). Also since i'm now 12wks, I will start doing my belly shots. I'm starting to notice a bit of a difference with my pants, especially one pair which I won't tell you how i'm keeping them together, but lets just say that the Belly Belt still hasn't been used yet (3 pregnancies, and I still haven't been able to use the damn thing LOL).

Ok, off to go and get my cherubs! Will be back later with some pics ;)

Time to Get Organised!

2009-08-09T21:16:00.002+10:00

I've been very slack over the last few weeks. With a combination of morning sickness and tiredness that I always get in early pregnancy, and the wonders of sick kiddies it has been a bit of a slack time for me. Motivation has been thrown out the window, and well lets face it, its REALLY starting to show now!

On the days when we are all feeling good, well we have been going out and trying to get back out in the real world again. Probably not a good idea when the house is looking like a tip! Ok, so its not really that bad, but still, the normal standard that I keep it has dropped lately.

So, where on earth do I find that motivation again to claw my way through it all and recover my house? I am guessing that this question could be one that is asked by MANY people, especially Mumma's.

Tomorrow is a public holiday for us, which means no Kindy tomorrow. So, I'm thinking of ropping the little gentlemen's into gear and us all plowing through some work around here. It's not a huge amount but just lots of little things that haven't been put back where they should be (ie, TOYS!). I did go through the playroom a couple of weeks back in a moment of major frustration and it has been sooooo much better since. But they are starting to slip again when it comes to packing away. You know, just dumping things in any old box. Little People living in the cars box, play food items living with the Little People, 'well, they get hungry Mummy and we can't have them going hungry now can we?' Ok, valid point SweetCheeks, but I really think it might be a bit hard for them to digest.

If I put it down here, it might spur me into action.

My 'TO-DO' List for Monday.....

General pick up of toys, shoes (why the shoe basket had to be emptied into the new baby swing I really have NO idea! And why they needed to be rocked to sleep, well that just makes me wonder even more LOL), etc.

Put more washing on, and fold the start of what will be Mt Foldmore if I don't get onto it now.

Clean the bathrooms/toilets

After all that, it will then be into the kitchen. Ahhh the kitchen, my least favourite place at the moment and not only is that frustrating me, but its getting beyond ridiculous. A few problems with the kitchen right now, whenever I cook something i'm flat out eating for the next 12hrs. For some reason the whole cooking process, smells, sights etc, is REALLY making me sensitive at the moment. That's not a great thing when i'm the only person who cooks in the family! The other is i'm sick of the fusiness that is in our house when it comes to food. 2 out of 3 are pretty good, will eat most things, but oh dear, Master H has sensory issues and food is a big part of that. He doesn't like anything that's in a sauce, and also doesn't cope with food that is mixed together (like savoury mince). The only sauce type of dish he will eat is spaghetti bolognaise. He'd probably eat it every night if he could. I have been able to start hiding vegies in the bolognaise, but it doesn't always work - smart kid, he now knows to really look at the food!!

So it's back to the drawing board with the foods in our house. Time to find some new recipes, ones that are cheap and family friendly, not to mention quick and easy to prepare! If you know of any good sites, PLEASE let me know :) :)

Ok, enough rambling for one night! Off to bed early so that we can get cracking in the morning.

My 'Baby' is now FIVE!

2009-08-07T22:14:00.004+10:00

Master L celebrated his 5th birthday yesterday. None of us can still believe just how fast the last 5 years have gone. To think that our little 'Miracle Baby' conceived with the help of a fertility specialist after waiting what seemed like an eternity, is now 5 and the big brother to two little boys, and another baby (which he thinks is a girl!) on the way.

He has lighted our lives so much, and continues to do so every day. Such a funny boy, some of the things he comes out with, definitely shows he has been here before. There is no way he could know as much as he does otherwise LOL

His birthday started at 6:30am, with him coming in and waking me up saying 'Mum, have you forgotten what day it is today, you haven't said Happy Birthday yet!' What he didn't know is, at Midnight, I went in and gave him kisses on his forehead and wished my baby a very happy birthday and also hoped he was having the sweetest dreams before his big day.

He LOVED his presents. Lego, a LeapFrog Tag Reader and 2 books, more Lego (we are very much into that right now, its so cool!) and he favourite out of them all, a new Diego Wii game. The look on his face when he opened the paper was priceless. Then his words were... 'Oh My Gosh, I cannot believe you did this for me, this is amazing! Thank you so much Mum and Dad'. How on earth can you not want to give them the world when you get responses like that?

After breakfast they boys started playing the Lego and having a play with the Tag. He then started playing Diego (and of course, was a pro from the very start LOL) while I go everyone dressed and ready to go out. What he didn't know was we were going out to lunch to Sizzlers. He had been asking if we could go out there for his birthday dinner, but we wanted to do lunch instead as its just way to crazy there at night time. When we drove into the carpark, Nan, Grandad and GiGi where already there (which was good, cause he saw them and didn't actually see where we were LOL). We had to ask him to look around and it finally dawned on him, he was SO excited!

The three cheeky monkey's waiting to be seated at Sizzlers

Lunch was good (well as good as Sizzlers can be) but we had fun and that was the main thing. Back home afterwards for some cake that was lovingly made once again by Nan....

It really was a great day, but most of all, our BIG little man had an awesome day. He says that he definitely feels like a 5yr old now LOL Me, well I don't feel like the Mumma of a 5yr old, to me he is still my wee little baby who grew up way too fast!

Master L - a few days old

6 days old

Love you my Possum Prince!! Always and Forever
xxx

If you don't laugh...

2009-08-04T14:07:00.003+10:00

You'll cry right?

That's how the saying goes isn't it? Well, that's what i've been *trying* to do today, laugh instead of cry.

The past 12hours have been fun to say the least around here, well not so much fun, but rather disgusting. Why? Because Master's H & P have a gastro bug! Now normally this wouldn't be all that much of an issue, its poo, we deal. BUT this time, oh my goodness, being pregnant and them having a gastro bug is sooooo not good!

Picture my night last night. Mercy dash back to Kindy to pick up Master L's beloved monkey best friend 'George'. Got stuck in traffic, and because we were so late (and I didn't get to turn the oven on before we left) I picked up take away on the way home. No worries, got home, fed the kidlets their dinner, told Mr B that he could go back out and get ours later (I was too rushed to bother eating yet), no worries at all. Mr B goes out while the kids had a quick shower, so just me in charge of drying/dressing. Once again, no worries because its quite often just me doing this. Last night was Master H's turn to go first getting dried. There in lies the start to the problem. Why oh why did I not do Master P first? Why was it such a problem? Well, Master P decided that farting would be a great thing to do (he finds is absolutely hilarious, and tries with all his might when he is naked to rip one out... how is it that at 20mths he knows to be such a boy already?? LOL). Well, he tried really hard. So hard infact that not only did he fart, but he followed through!

OMG!

OMG, he poo'ed on the carpet!!

OMG, he poo'ed on the carpet and its running down his legs!

First thing I did was put a towel under him quickly, and then *I* bolted to the toilet as it was entirely too much for my morning (pfftt all day!!) sickness sensitive tummy to cope with. So, quickly finished there, ran back, picked Master P up and ran him back to the shower. Got the water going, started cleaning him up (thank the Universe for showers that are on a hose!!!) but once again, all too much for my tummy so I chucked in the sink.

Right now I bet your wishing you never opened this blog right? Well I can assure you, i'm wishing just as much that I had of nappied that bum before ANY of this happened LOL Hindsight hey, gotta love it!

So once I compose myself, and tell my little guy that its all ok (he was looking at me like I was some kind of animal, don't blame him, I don't like watching people chuck either LOL), finish cleaning him up and quickly get him to the change table and even faster put a nappy on him. Ahhh the Weapon of Mass Destruction is contained!! Everyone can breath a sigh of relief, but just a warning, don't breath in too hard, cause it really didn't smell all that great in the room!

Guess who walked in just as i'd finished dressing Master P. Yes, Mr B. Just in time to miss ALL the action. How timely LOL (lucky bugger!)

Needless to say, the rest of the night had many more moments of weak stomachness, but it is so much easier to cope with when its contained in a small area.

Oh and note to self, Master P needs that nappy on ASAP when getting out of the shower! That bum is leathal LOL (cute though all the same ;) ).

A Day of Contemplation

2009-08-03T15:40:00.002+10:00

Do you ever have days where you just sit and think about what is going on in your life? What is going in, how it is affecting you? I seem to have had one of those days today. The two big boys were at kindy, so its just been the little man and I. Well, he decided to pull a BIG sleep today, so really most of the time it has just been me.

Yesterday I got heaps done around here, and pretty much overdid it. One of these days I will learn to pace myself a bit better, especially when pregnant (I know, i'm only 10wks, but my body starts going to pieces earlier these days LOL), my back and hips just don't handle it very well at all. So today, i've done a whole lot of nothing *gasp*. Not that i'm feeling particularly guilty for that, sure there was folding that could have been done, but the day isn't over yet LOL.

So, in my day of not doing much while Master P was sleeping, i've been thinking about things. Like why is it when i'm pregnant that I find it hard to keep in contact with people. I think if it wasn't for places like Facebook I probably would shut myself off completely. Then I realised why I am doing this. I am so sensitive to everything at the moment. And I mean EVERYTHING. Noises, smells, sights, people, emotions, you name it and i'm feeling 'prickly'. So maybe this is the subconscious way of dealing with that. Sure it does help, but then it also hinders as well because people wonder why I am shutting them out, when i'm really not doing it intentionally it's just happening. Gosh I do wonder if that makes any sense at all?

There are some people though that are bugging the daylights out of me, and I AM intentionally shutting them out. Some people just should not be allowed to open their mouths (or fingers in teh cases of emails) because they just do not think that what they are saying could be taken wrong (or it just is wrong, so they just shouldn't say it!). Mind you, these people are not ones that I would really classify as friends, so I really have to stop letting them bug me.

Anyway, bit of a nonsense post, but it has taken till my 4th pregnancy to realise just WHY I do this LOL Hey the penny had to drop sometime didn't it? I just think the sensitivity is getting worse with each pregnancy, maybe that's why I have finally realised.

So if I you are one of the people who I am shutting out, i'll be back soon, as this too shall pass. In the meantime, I need to try and not shut off completely (hence re-starting the blog!!).

Oh dear, my nose radar has picked up on something.... I have the nose of a canine right now LOL

What a Neglected Blog!

2009-08-03T10:14:00.003+10:00

Once again life got in the way and the first thing to go was my blog. I know, its not like I haven't had time, but I also haven't had the motivation to actually write about anything (mainly cause that would mean having to construct sentences that actually tried to make sense LOL).

But in saying all that, there has been some exciting developments in our little world.

Yes, Baby #4 is on the way! I got these two positive tests quite by surprise, as I have been having nothing but troubles with my cycles, so really didn't expect to actually get these at all! I even had the referral letters to have an ultrasound and other testing done to find out what was going on again. We are very excited, yet also nervous as our family grows once again. This will be the last addition to our family, so i'm trying to make 'first' special as it will also be the 'last', if that makes sense?

Will have to work out how to get one of those cute widget tickers on the side so its easy to see how far along I am.

Anyway, that is all the BIG news for now. Everyone else is doing pretty well. We have had some yucky bugs going through the house lately, horrible flu and coughs that just don't want to fully go away. Bring on the rejuvenating brilliance of Spring. Oh how I am looking forward to Spring this year. There has been a few absolutely gorgeous days, and you can almost smell the changing season coming. Ahhh bring it on!!

This time I WILL be back soon ;)

Page Layouts from the Workshop

2009-04-20T10:54:00.005+10:00

We had a lovely day yesterday. Good friends, good food (omg, 8 courses prepared by a chef!) and some great layouts done by everyone there. I managed to only get 5 done yesterday, but that's ok, i've got some more ideas for the next big day to get through as many as possible.

This one is my fav. I love this photo of the 3 of us (all of the photos are of Master L, i'm doing his album at the moment) and I am in LOVE with the Creative Memories Puzzle Shape punch. This is the first time i've really had a chance to use it, mine hasn't arrived just yet, but ohh I love it! Can't wait to do some more with it.

These were just a couple of random ideas, just playing around with the Creative Memories Custom Cutting System. Simple yes, but that is the way I like it sometimes :)

I love this photo of Master L, this was the first real smile I managed to catch on camera. I'd been too slow before this LOL he was about 6wks old here.

Oh another fav! We had a photo shoot with all of Mr B's family when we went down for Master L's first Christmas in 2004. This is one of the shots.

Sorry that the photos aren't all that crash hot, need to figure out what settings my darling little Master L has played around with (he thinks he is a professional photographer at times!)

Looking forward to the Workshop i'm doing here on Friday night. My will be my first real workshop at my house! :) :)

What a great day!

2009-04-18T20:30:00.002+10:00

Today I had a Tupperware Party to help out a friend of mine who has just become a Demonstrator and what a lovely afternoon. Caught up with some people who I haven't seen in a while and we had enough kids here to keep everyone thoroughly entertained and running around the backyard like crazies LOL Was so nice to just sit for a bit and chat, even if I didn't really get to talk properly to anyone (disadvantage of being the host isn't it LOL). So, to the lovely ladies who read this who came, THANK YOU!!

Tomorrow, ohhh I am soooo looking forward to tomorrow. It's Workshop Day! Seven, yes count it again, SEVEN hours of scrapbooking. Ahh I LOVE these days. I'm all set and ready to whack out as many layouts as possible unlike other times when i've just taken a whole pile of stuff and spent majority of the time umming and ahhing over what to do next. Nope, not tomorrow! I've got plenty of stuff I want to achieve, some of them layouts that I want to be able to teach so need to work out step by step instructions as well.

So, stay tuned as I hope to have some pics up of some layouts that get done tomorrow.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Trying to get some action

2009-04-15T22:02:00.002+10:00

It's time to get some more action happening with my Creative Memories business. My time is ticking for me to qualify properly, and i'm *slightly* starting to worry. So far i've been doing as much as I can without having to spend a fortune (that isn't there yet... YET!) but it doesn't seem like its enough.

I've done a letterbox drop, done one lot of markets - just waiting on the next lot of cheaper stalls to come up on the calendar and I started up a Facebook group (if your on Facebook CLICK HERE ). I've also sent emails and messages to pretty much everyone that I know, but only one of the leads that I had from that has actually turned into anything.

It's hard not to get disheartened, as I enjoy doing this so much and feel that its right but for some reason things just aren't going as well as I really need them to at the moment.

I know, i'm whinging I guess but i'm also throwing it out to anyone who reads this, if you have any ideas on things that I could be doing to get more action happening, PLEASE let me know! I know that people are reading my blog, but it seems that everyone like to lurk and not say hello. Promise I will try not to bite, although i've just finished reading Twilight so hey, I can't promise I won't LOL

Anyone in Brisbane who reads this, if your interested please let me know!!

Aww he's growing up again!

2009-04-05T21:23:00.003+10:00

Master P has had a couple of tiny (and I mean TINY) hair trims in the last couple of months, as that was all I could handle at the time. No idea why, but for some reason I felt strongly about not getting his hair cut properly until a few days ago. It all of a sudden got too long and seemed to be annoying him, so on Friday afternoon we headed off to the hair salon that a friend of mine works at and got his hair cut.

This is Master P BEFORE...

DURING...

And AFTER...

He did so well! He just sat there, on Daddy's lap moving his head when he had too. Smiling it up for the camera when I asked him too, and just generally LOVED every second of it!

He also loved every second of the attention after he had finished LOL Blowing kisses, waving bye to Rachel, and then lapping up every bit of attention as we walked around the rest of the shops. Such a funny little guy, he cracks us up!

A Fresh Start

2009-04-05T09:42:00.003+10:00

Right, its Sunday. First day of the week (yes, i'm one of those people LOL) so its time for a fresh start with my blog so that I update it more often.

I was finding that it was doing me good getting stuff out, and whilst my blog may not be interesting in the slightest, well its my blog to get my thoughts out - the good and the bad. Whilst I will aim to keep it positive, that is not always going to be the case and you know, i'm ok with that!

So, what's been going on here....

Been an exciting time for me. On the 22nd March, I officially (and finally!) became a Creative Memories Consultant. I am VERY excited about it all, have done a couple of classes, got quite a few orders and managed to put in my first qualifying order within the first 7 days. Still have a bit that I need to achieve in the next 50 odd days, but I am really hoping to achieve it and soon. Going to do a letter box drop with a friend of mine next week so that I can get my name 'out there' and try to get some more classes and workshops happening. So, if you know of anyone (or you yourself!) who enjoys scrapbooking or wants to start, in the Brisbane area send them my way would you.

Mr B isn't having the greatest time at the moment. Issues with his ex, that after a couple of days resulted in a phone call with many apologies for all that has gone on over the years. Amazing really since it was something that we didn't think would ever happen. It has caused a major upheaval again of his emotions and trying to process lies and stories that he had been told is not an easy thing to do. He has also been having a few problems at work over the last week with the store manager *sighs*. We are hoping that things can be sorted out until such times as he can secure another job. So the fun process of job hunting is on again.

But in saying all that, life is still good. We have both turned a corner with some things, and the path, whilst its a little unsettled right now, is still flowing in a straight line. I'm reminded of that song Things Can Only Get Better, and they will!

Oops

2009-03-17T21:40:00.002+10:00

yeah well that took a bit longer than I had planned! Oooops!!

Gosh what has been going on around here. Loads of stuff really. Have been very busy, but yet at the same time I've got no idea why.

I have however been suffering a bit of 'hermit syndrome'. With Mr B starting his job in January, and needing the car every morning for work, it has really clipped my wings so to speak. By the time he gets home, it is time for Master P to have a sleep and then by the time he wakes up, the day is pretty much over and the time for 'witching hour' is upon us.

This also means that I have been neglecting some people that I definitely shouldn't be. But I am happy to say that I seem to be on the tail end now of the syndrome and ready to get back out into the world again. Good timing really because I now need to get myself out there as I have become a Creative Memories Consultant! YaY!

After a few false starts, a couple of road blocks so to speak, the path is now flowing freely and all is good with the scrapbooking. So its time to rock and roll with that and because I find it loads of fun, I CAN'T WAIT! :)

So, if your happening to find my blog, and your in Brisbane and want to get together for some scrapbooking workshops just let me know, cause I'd LOVE to hear from you!! (LOL how is that for a free plug on my own blog!)

Now what else...

Master P is walking!! YaY!! He is so very cute toddling around like a big boy but it also means my baby is growing up and that brings about a whole load of other emotions *sighs*.

The other two big boys are going great guns. Not much has changed other than the fact they are getting cheekier by the day, but its a funny cheeky. Although bedtimes in our house are VERY stressful at the moment, which I would really like to change. Have tried many different ways of dealing with the bedtime routine but nothing seems to be working well.

Mr B is going well at work still. I do however think he is getting bored being at home for the rest of the day and is taking it out on the poor car. Currently the insides are getting an 'overhaul' and I will be VERY glad when it is finished and this car obsession is replaced with something else (something VERY cheap would be great thanks LOL).

Gosh, what a boring update. Bet your so glad you stumbled by today hey. I'm so not an interesting person LOL

Ok, that's all for now. I PROMISE it won't be so long between posts next time!

I'm Still here!

2009-03-03T13:56:00.002+10:00

No, haven't fallen off the face of the Earth, just been a bit busy around here and i've been neglecting not only my blog, but reading others too.

A few exciting things have happened, but I will be back later on to fill you in on all of those. Just sate down to have some lunch and thought i'd catch up on some blogs while I do.

Back soon ;)

He's Growing Up!

2009-02-11T23:15:00.003+10:00

Today was the day. My baby boy moved another notch up the 'Growing Up' ladder. Master L started basketball training today! This is my boy's first time doing a sport of any kind, so today was a big day for him.

When we arrived, he was given his ball, which is slightly smaller than a normal basket ball (this training is designed for 4-8yr olds, so smaller balls and hoops are lower) and he was so excited! We got up to the courts and they had them split up into 4 different teams to go into 4 different areas. Shooting hoops, foot skills, learning about the court area and dribbling/passing skills. They do each section for 15mins at a time.

He was very shy to start with, and I had to stand with him as he was practising shooting hoops, but when he moved onto the next section he let me go sit down with Daddy and did so well with his foot skills.

When he got to the foot skill section, he had to put his ball down with everyone else's. No worries, but when it came time to change areas he went to get his ball and someone had picked his up by mistake. Oh dear, my poor little guy was devastated!! He started crying so over I went to tell him it was ok, we would find it, but he was too upset. He tried hard to pull it together but he didn't cope very well, so Daddy went with him on the court to try and get him into it again. They stayed out for a bit longer but came and sat down for the last few minutes.

The good news is, after they finish, they get a Chupa Chup lolly pop, so that soothed him LOL and we found the ball!! So he had a bit of a play with Daddy before we left and was much happier.

He is now looking forward to next week, and knows that if his ball goes AWOL again, its quite ok cause he will get it back at the end :)

My baby isn't a baby anymore!!

What a Week!!

2009-02-06T23:27:00.002+10:00

Phew! Thank goodness it's Friday is all I will say!

It has been one of those weeks, that whilst it was GREAT it was also crazy at the same time.

Monday - boys were at kindy. Finally they are starting to enjoy it again. With all the older kids heading off to prep, there was a bit of a shift around with rooms etc. So the boys were feeling it a bit. All is great now, and Master L is doing so much better! Master H has always loved it, never had a problem with him going but when his brother is having issues, he goes out in sympathy. But, having said that, I do not regret the boys going to Kindy. With the needs of our family, and the issues that Mr B has, we are doing everything we can to hopefully stop what he has gone through, happening to our children.

Tuesday - at home day today which was made brighter by a visit from a friend 'T' and her little guy, 'O'. I watched 'O' while 'T' went and had an x-ray, and the boys had so much fun together. I'm heading out with 'T' on Monday which I am looking forward to!

Wednesday - Kindy day again, and the boys were even more excited to be going. They are learning about dinosaurs at the moment, which is great because they both love dinosaurs! Today I also made the VERY important decision that I am signing up as a Creative Memories Consultant!! I am VERY excited about this, and have so much going through my head with ideas/thoughts etc it's hard to know where to start LOL

Unfortunately though, the wonderful morning I was having was short lived. We received a phone call from someone that completely came out of the blue. This person ripped the daylights out of me and to say I was shocked is a massive understatement! Not only was I insulted, but my family and our extended family were also ridiculed and called names that neither Mr B or myself deserved or expected from this person. I was barely given a chance to respond to any of the accusations at all before I was threatened with a harrassment order (pity I wasn't the one harrassing, and never have we harrassed at ANY time!) and then he hung up on me.

I'll give you a hot tip. If you ever want to piss me off, just hang up on me. LOL It's like waving the red flag at the bull!

Luckily Mr B was at home when this happened (he had arrived home from work not long before) and I was telling him what had just happened when the phone rang again. And yes, again it was this guy ringing and abusing me again. OMG seriously, it was CRAZY! Going on and on about complete crap. But then he made the mistake of calling my husband a pussy. He called him a pussy for not coming to the phone (he never asked to speak to him, was too busy yelling at me!) and also a pussy for not talking much the last time we got together. Well that was it, I lost the plot. This person knows that Mr B has issues with social anxiety, and I was disgusted that he made a comment like that, knowing all of this. Uggghh!! Mr B got on the phone then and was so good! I am VERY proud of the way he handled the phone call.

Anyway, the rest of the day was pretty crappy. I was a big bundle of nerves after being yelled at (or should I say screamed at!) twice, so the day was just not the best.

Thursday - woke up great and looking forward to today. Was catching up with another friend 'M' and her 2 boys, that we haven't seen for ages. The kids all got along really well which was great, and all was going well until the damn phone rang again. Uggghh yes, it was 'him' ringing back again. This time under the guise of an apology. Too bloody right you should mate. But once again, the phone call went on and on, and our family were being blamed for things that we shouldn't be. All because of insecurities. Oh dear, I know how much being insecure can taint your life, but this was beyond anything that I think i've ever felt before (and I thought I was bad!). Anyway, more threats were made, to which this time I laughed at but then he started on another track. He was saying stuff about us that he shouldn't know. How he knows this we have NO idea, but yes it put the wind up us both.

I'll make this clear, neither Mr B, nor myself have anything to hide. BUT, when someone starts saying things about how much they know about you its a bit freaky!!

Anyway, back on track. The rest of the day was great. Why? Because I got to have my say on the whole situation to this person, and whilst he hung up on me again (yep, pissed me off again LOL) it ended with me feeling better this time. Not sure what they were hoping to achieve with these threats and phone calls, but you know what it's done. It's bought Mr B and I closer once again! So maybe I should be thankful for that?? LOL

Friday - I went to an Asperger's Support Group meeting today and oh it was GREAT! It is so nice to talk to other people who understand my man. Who know that even though he has his issues, he does have a heart in there. I learnt a bit today that I didn't know before and oh dear, my heart goes out to everyone who has a child on the Spectrum. The paper trail that they go through is incredible and ridiculous all at the same time! They were such lovely people at the meeting, and very welcoming even though none of the boys have been diagnosed with anything, only Mr B. Will definitely be going back to next month's meeting!

So, a crazy week, yeah? LOL Bring on next week! I'm looking forward to it!!

No, I'm NOT going crazy!

2009-02-01T22:18:00.000+10:00

Well tonight, Mr B and I went out for dinner while my parents looked after the boys. We left just before 6pm, didn't really enjoy dinner as it wasn't cooked the best (which is sad cause we used to LOVE going to Lonestar, we won't be going back again) but did enjoy the time out from the house together.

While we were at dinner, apparently all hell broke loose here at home. Master L lost the plot for my folks, and for the first time my Mum actually saw what i've been dealing with for the past week. It all started just as we were putting the roller door down and driving out, Master L wanted an icecream (remember I said it was just before 6pm when we left!). Mum said to him that he could have one after he had his dinner. Well nope, he snuck in, got one and ran out the back which is where he was found after he had opened it and started eating.

Now me being the Meany Mummy that I am, I would have taken it off him but Nan took a different approach and let him eat it. When Master L came inside to then have dinner she said to him 'no, no dinner because you had the ice cream. You could have had both if you had of had your dinner first, but you chose not too'. And that is when the screaming started.

It went on and on, Master L bashed Master P (14mths old!) with a car and Nan lost the plot then. She took him down to time out, didn't work he nearly bashed a hole in the door. So she took him out, plonked him in the shower and turned the cold water on (its a warm day here today, so no need to worry that he was going to freeze or anything!!). This FINALLY got him out of his 'zone' and shocked him out of it. A minute later he was fine. Mum said to me after she had told me all that had gone on, 'No wonder you have been like you are this week. I just thought it was you having a bad week, but this is unreal! I have NEVER seen him like this before'. To which I said 'yes, now you believe me hey. I'm not going crazy, it's not just me he does this for now'.

Now tell me, is that normal behaviour for a 4yr old? It's the stuff like this that is scaring the absolute crap out of me right now because I do not know how to deal with it. Is it 4yr old stuff, or is it a sign of Asperger's rearing its head?

Before my parents even arrived here this afternoon, we had had a good afternoon until Master H woke up. That is when Master L went back to his crappy behaviour which resulted in him being put into time out, nearly bashing down the door, bashing and screaming at me and then him running into his room. No worries, he got up on his bed and I told him that he was to chill out and think about his behaviour and closed the door. He didn't like that so he screamed again (I ignored it) and then went quiet. I could hear him singing to himself so I knew that he was calming down.

Anyway, he finally made his way out, ran into my room (I was hiding in my room, how pathetic is that? I just had to have my own time out for a few minutes) and came and apologised to me. He really meant it, and also said that he 'drew me a picture because I love you Mummy and it's Mother's Day' (not sure why he thought it was that, but hey I thought it was sweet at the time). Aww you drew me a picture, me inocently thinking it was in his scrapbooking. 'Yes Mummy, I drew it on my wall'

OMFG

So I 'calmly' walked down to the room and this is what I was greeted with....

Seriously, is it bad that I was actually really proud of his drawing? Look at my smiley face, spikey hair. Heck he even did both legs this time! His people drawing is really starting to come on now and I was proud. So how can you be proud and yet cranky at the fact that he DREW ON THE WALL?!? I called Mr B into see it, and he too was proud and told Master L what a great job he did, pity it wasn't on paper so we could laminate it and keep it and to please not draw on the wall again. All while Mr B and I are trying not to laugh (hey, we don't want our Mini Picasso thinking its ok to draw on the walls!!).

Thank goodness for those Chux Erasers!!!

Boys huh?!? Definitely think I need to read that book Bec! I need ALL the help I can get. Roll on Friday too when I head to the Asperger's Support Group meeting for the first time. Hopefully I will learn ways to cope with Mr B, which in turn will help with the kids.

I'm Excited!

2009-02-01T15:43:00.000+10:00

In a little over an hour, my folks will be here to look after the 3 'cherubs' so that Mr B and I can head out for some adult time together. I am so looking forward to it.

Don't get me wrong I love my boys like nothing else, but at the moment I am in desperate need of a Mummy Break. There hasn't been a day in while when I haven't had at least one of them with me, and unfortunately I am one of those people who struggles if I don't get some alone time. Right now, i'm struggling, but in saying that i'm working on it.

The boys are slightly crazy at the moment, and Master L is going through a wonderful 4yr old male testosterone phase and ohh the aggression and fighting that is coming out of him is crazy! Not dealing with that particularly well, mainly because I'm not sure just how to handle it. Lots of counting to 3 lately LOL He is great really, I think he also craves that alone time too (which he got this afternoon when the other 2 had a nap at the same time) and had a great time playing by himself, doing what HE wanted to do.

I bought some pouches for the laminator today, which means actions stations on the new rewards/behaviour chart. Not exactly sure how i'm going to do it yet, but I will work something out. I think it's time we had one again here.

Some days I really struggle being a Mummy, even though I LOVE it and wouldn't change being a Mum for the world. I also really wonder just how to be a Mummy, especially when what I do doesn't seem to work. This last week it would seem that I definitely win the award for the World's Crankiest Mummy, not something i'm proud about at all, but I am able to admit it when i'm in the wrong. Now I just have to really work hard at having some fun rather than being a crank all the time.

To Scrapbook or Not To Scrapbook?

2009-01-30T22:38:00.000+10:00

That is the $1 Million dollar question right now.

No I don't mean should I get all my stuff out right now and go and do a page LOL No i'm talking more than that. I'm talking about whether or not I should become a Scrapbooking Consultant again.

I have an opportunity at the moment to become a consultant with the same crew that I did back in 2002, but this time I don't have to pay the upfront fee that is required. But it comes with a condition, that I have to have booked a certain number of demo's within a certain time frame. If I don't, then I have to pay the upfront fee.

Now I have no worries in doing the actual scrapbooking. I LOVE it. I LOVE the product that they sell, I think its the best stuff out there, but my problem is do I know enough people to get to come to demo's etc. to make it all worthwhile?

The reason why I stopped doing it last time was at the time I was not well, I also had pretty much zero confidence level and was flat out even talking to most people let alone actually telling them about the scrapbooking. It was good though as I was able to get all my products for both myself and Mum at the wholesale price and saved us a lot, so was definitely worth it.

But, can I do it again? Can I make it work this time? I'm excited and yet terrified at the same time LOL Damn this brain of mine and the way that it worries. I REALLY have to work on that. Heck sometimes you just have to jump right? I've certainly got a lot more experience these days with scrapbooking. Last time I'd only been doing it for maybe 12mths before I became a consultant.

Maybe this is my time to jump?

Since this blog is my therapy session LOL here is my list of pros and cons:

PRO'S:

I LOVE to help people. If I can help teach people to make to get their precious memories into photo safe albums, and make them look good at the same time, whilst having fun doing it then that is definitely a pro!
I would be able to make new friends, meet all sorts of different people
The products I need to do my own albums, i'd get at a reduced price (wholesale)
I'd be passionate about it because I do love scrapbooking. It's easy to do something that you actually love :)
We have the space here now to be able to hold classes here at home. I've got a big tressel table, chairs, plenty of room, good lighting, nice and cool, enough space that if Mum's had to bring their kids there is plenty of play areas/toys etc. (have I told you how much I love our house? LOL)
I'd be able to do it around the kids and their needs. It's not full time work, but i'd still be able to bring some income into the family.

CON'S:

Do I know enough people who would be interested to get started? I know it only takes a couple of people, who know a couple of people, who know a few more people who would be interested. But it's still that initial fear of 'who do I ask?'
I have to make a certain number of sales every month (or could be every two months I cannot remember right at this time) to be able to continue being a consultant. What happens if I have a quiet month or what happens if I don't find anyone who is interested?

Really that is it with the cons. They are my two biggest 'fears' if you want to call them that, becaue at the end of the day I have no problems getting up in front of a group and teaching. I know the products, they work really well and i'm only too happy to tell people that when i'm not a consultant LOL. Heck I even have some ideas of what I could do/teach/offer already. The actual business side of things, well i've got enough people around me that if I don't know how to do something i'm sure there would be someone to ask. Otherwise i'm a lot more wiser now when it comes to business that it wouldn't be a problem at all.

So. Why is it so hard to jump?

Hello, my name is Mrs Grumpy Butt!

2009-01-29T22:07:00.000+10:00

LOL well its good that I can have a laugh at myself today, cause boy, it's been one of those days that started so well, then dissolved into crap not long after.

We had a little sleep in here this morning (well, Mr B didn't, he left for work before 7am ;) ) but the little boys and I did. It was 8am that I was awoken by 4 little eyes staring at me with smiles on their faces. Awww what a lovely way to wake up. Then not long after, whilst I was laying in bed talking to the gentlemen's, I hear a little 'Mummm' and sure enough Master P was awake. How I LOVE it when he wakes up in a good mood like that, and not awoken abruptly by a noisy brother that makes him cry.

Anyway, we got up and got breaky going, had some music on (Kings of Leon for those playing at home LOL and no its not 'Sex is on Fire' its 'Six is on Fire' in our house ;) ) and we were all happy and laughing.

Until I made a phone call. I rang up to find out about a little kids basketball group for Master L. We really want to get him into a team sport as he is having a few confidence issues and this would be great for him. Anyway, on their website it clearly states for 4-8yr olds, COOL I think :) So I rang to find out what we need to do, when it starts etc only to be rudely told that Master L is too young (4 1/2yrs). Geez people, if you don't want kids who are 4yrs old then please, don't put the starting age as 4 on your website! Anyway, we are going to go to the open day to see more about it, talk to the actual coaches rather than a rude admin person and hopefully we might have some joy.

About 2 minutes after I got off the phone, it rang again. Now this was the one that blew the day away. Turns out the money that we had secured for our new car, wasn't so secure after all :( So, for now, no new car :( :( *sighs* I will stay positive though as we WILL get another car and it will be soon.

So because of those 2 phone calls I was officially Mrs Grumpy Butt for hours later. The boys also seemed to bounce off this and became 'precious little darlings' too but it took me a while to realise they were only doing it cause I was. So, we shook it all off, picked ourselves up, cleansed the house and the place finally started feeling better again.

But it truly amazes me though, how a day can start out so great, and then a couple of things happen and it just goes CRAZY!

Tomorrow WILL be a better day :) :)

I'm Bored

2009-01-21T21:47:00.000+10:00

Yes, like the title says, i'm bored. How sad is that?!? I've got plenty I could be doing but i'm so tired at the moment that I just can't be stuffed doing any of it, so now I sit here with my brain going 'blah' cause it doesn't like not doing anything LOL

The brain is active, its a pity the body just wants to curl up in the corner and sleep for about a week.

Not having the best of days today. I'm an old hormonal cow again, got to love that, so mix crazy hormones with someone who isn't sleeping well and oh boy have we got a great combo! So far today i've been happy, sad, depressed. I've yelled, laughed, had fun. I've cried, moped, let everything get to me. And now, at 9:51pm, i'm bored.

Please tell me i'm not the only one who has crazy days like today? And no, just before anyone asks me, i'm not pregnant LMAO That seems to be the usual questions these days when I have these hormonal crazy moments! Heck i've been so busy in the last few weeks I have no idea where the heck i'm up to with my cycle!

Right now, my main obsession is finding us a new car. I've been doing preliminary searches for 'the one' for a few months now, which has been great. I've learnt lots, built up my car language repitoire to a point where i'm not scared of the dealers (they have always intimidated me in the past!!), and I know what cars are selling for at the moment. So why is it now, when we have the funds to actually buy one of these beasts is it that they have all fallen off the face of the internet? The ones that looked good, priced right are now trying to be flogged off for a few thousand more than before. *sighs*

And the dealers, ugghh so why is it that because I don't have that extra bit that hangs between my legs i'm not good enough to deal with? Yes, my husband is with me, yes he does know stuff as well but mate, I'M the one that will be driving the car 99% of the time. It's ME who needs to be happy here, not him! If I like the look of that car over there, it's in my price range, I'd like to give it a test drive, then don't look at Mr B and say 'you don't want that one mate, it's this one you want', and disregard what I'm saying.

Hmmm venting there, sorry about that, but geez it gets my goat sometimes why some men think they are better than women when it comes to things like car knowledge.

Anyway, after much discussion with a few people now we currently *think* we are going to persue either a Chrysler Voyager or a Toyota Tarago. If any of you lovely lurker's out there have any reviews on these sorts please let me know!!

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Won't it? LOL

It's Friday Again!

2009-01-16T08:05:00.000+10:00

And another week has gone by that I haven't sat down and blogged! I must say, it has been a bit crazy around here, but still there is no excuse since I have been online (alot, but sshhh LOL).

So, where did I leave off? Ahh Mr B and work. Well i'm very pleased to say its all going REALLY well and he is enjoying it :) :) He is also enjoying being out of his 'black hole' and getting back into the world again. We have seen such a different side of him over the last 2 weeks that we are all amazed and astonished!

Last Saturday I spent the afternoon/night at a scrapbooking workshop. It has been years since i've been to a crop this long and boy did I have a GREAT time!! I went with a friend 'M' who is only new to scrapping and she had heaps of fun too. I love watching how people go when they first start out scrapbooking. It sure wet my appetite to do more, and now i'm hoping to be able to get to one of the weekend getaways this year.

Monday, ahh yes, my birthday. My 30th birthday to be exact. It was a quiet day, the 2 bigger boys were at kindy so it was just Mr B, Master P and myself at home (well, once Mr B got home from work anyway LOL). We did go out for dinner with my folks and grandmother which was nice. I didn't get drunk, make a fool of myself, go crazy or any of the other things that I 'could' have done LOL Maybe I am growing up?

Wednesday was the anniversary of Mr B and myself getting together. Nine years! Gosh time flys doesn't it. It's our 5th wedding anniversary in April which is scary too!

The most exciting news of the week though is that we are getting a new car *insert Mandi doing a MASSIVE happy dance here*. We are keeping the old one, which is going to turn into Mr B's car while I get the new one. Ok, so it won't be brand new, but it will be bigger :) :) We are off to test drive a couple this afternoon.

Did I mention i'm excited? Why? Well, for a few reasons. One, more room. I'm kind of over being bitten on certain areas of my body whilst trying to do up Master L's seat belt. No its not him who is doing it, but its Master P who I have to lean over to do up the belt. Cheeky child he is!

Two, I love cars and getting a new one is always a highlight. I've wanted a Carnival for a while now, and although we are looking at another one as well (Trajet) it is very similar to the Carnivals so i'm not going to be picky LOL.

Three, well we have the bigger house, and now we are getting the bigger car and you know what that means right? Yes, an extra car seat ;) LOL i'm ready!!

Fingers crossed that both of the cars are wesome and it just comes down to which one we like the best. I've already got the guy to drop the price by $4000, just over the phone, so here's hoping that I can get him to go a little bit lower ;) Haggling here I come!

2009 is going to be FINE!

2009-01-05T12:07:00.000+10:00

That is my motto for the new year. Not sure why I felt I needed one, but it just seemed right. The year seems to be starting off on a good grounding, which I think goes to pave the way for how the rest of the year pans out. Yes, there is room for change in there, but well take last year for example, we had a death in the family from a long term illness right at the start of the year and the rest of the year was filled with yucky illnesses!

So far this year we have had a great time as a family. Mr B (one day i'll share more about him, but for now i'll just say that his 'issues' cause more problems then not) has been really great. More social than usual, happy to do things with the extended family, been playing with the kids heaps and at his discretion, not just from me asking him too or the kids asking him to play. We have even been out for dinner just the two of us, which was lovely!

Having said that though, the biggest and best news out of all that has happened so far (LOL makes it sound like we are about 3 months into the year, not just 5 days) is that today, he started a new job *insert Mandi doing a MASSIVE happy dance here*.

What's more is, he has come home from his first morning and is happy and looks like he is going to be ok with it all.

Sure, what's the big deal you all say? Well, he hasn't been able to work properly for a while now. A few years ago now he had a massive breakdown and has been suffering major depression ever since. We have also found out that he has Asperger's and also extreme social anxiety disorder. Mix all those 3 together, and basically you get a shell of a man who at times cannot even talk to his wife or children, let alone speak to anyone in public.

Anyway, i'm not going into all the other stuff now, but just had to post to say how proud I am of my darling man, and that this year IS GOING TO BE FINE!!! :) :) We both have great plans for this coming time, and to start off like this, well it just puts us in the right direction for the future.

LIFE IS GOOD!!!

:) :)

Confession Saturday...

2009-01-03T12:18:00.000+10:00

Just before Christmas Mr B and I decided to finally give into temptation. Yes, we purchased a Nintendo Wii. We have wanted one for ages now, and after much deliberation, umming, ahhing and you know all the stuff that you do when you want to make a purchase like this, well we gave into our want.

Now, i'm not entirely sure it was a good thing. Why? Cause i'm ADDICTED!

I am LOVING it. The kids are LOVING it. Even Mr B, amidst his frustration at getting the controllers to do what he wants them to do in the fighting games, loves it too! The only problem with all this love that is being thrown around, is that we want MORE!

Yes, addiction is a nasty thing, especially when you need more to satisfy that craving LOL At the moment, to satisfy my cravy I NEED a WiiFit. I'm not asking for much, just the funky little balance board that will in turn help with exercise and fitness. With the 40 different exercise functions to make it varied and fun. Yes, i've seen the video clips, i've heard the stories, i've felt that fun oozing through the laptop screen.

But, do you think I can buy one? Oh no, not now! I think i've run just about every gaming type store in the Greater Brisbane area to locate one of these babies, and I keep getting the same line 'Sorry, we have sold out'. AGGHHHHH!!

Before Christmas I had my choice of stores to buy it from, all ranges of prices. But we thought we would wait till after Christmas to see if the shops had any good specials. Well it would seem that every man and his dog bought a Wii for Christmas and had the same idea as us.

So now I have to wait. Oh dear, waiting is soooo hard LOL Most of the shops have no idea when they will get stock in either. Could be 2 weeks, could be mid February. OMG, do they not know that I NEED one now?

Yes, I know, pathetic isn't it. Off I go to play more bowling and tennis. Maybe the Universe is telling me to increase my fitness with Sport before the Fit arrives LOL. Patience is a virtue isn't it?

2008 - The Year That Was

2009-01-02T10:47:00.000+10:00

2008 saw exciting things happen for us, but it also saw some not so exciting things too. So let's do a quick year in review...

January - Mr B's parents were still here on holidays after arriving just after Boxing Day. Mr B and I had our birthdays. It also saw us with a trip down to Sydney for Mr B's Grandad's funeral. Although it was a sad time, it was also a happy time to catch up with all the family. We were also able to reconnect with Mr B's daughter and her family, which whilst it was stressful to say the least, was also great to finally meet her!

February - we went through a big change within ourselves. We were considering a move down to Sydney to be closer to Mr B's family. After much consideration and deliberation, we trusted the Universe and what it provides for us, so we stayed in Brisbane. A decision that we are both very happy that we made.

March - Master L and Master H started at kindy! Although I am a SAHM, this decision was made as both the boys were starting to suffer major social anxieties, and with Mr B and his problems (Asperger's and Extreme Social Anxiety Disorder) we felt that the boys needed time in a different situation and around children their own age. We have seen such major improvements in both the boys, especially Master L, that we are VERY happy we put them in.

April - we had a visit from Mr B's folks. They came up so FIL could march in the Anzac Day Parade in Brisbane. Easter was a quiet one this year, which was nice. This month was a big one for me, as I completeled my Level II Reiki.

May - must have been a quiet month LOL I cannot for the life of me remember anything exciting happening! Not to say it didn't, just my brain is not working how it used to LOL

June - we celebrated Master H's 2nd birthday. He had a lovely day, and although we didn't have a party for him this year as he was sick, he had fun with NanNan and Grandad, and also Gi-Gi.

July - all of us sick once again. A major theme in 2008 was all of us sick. Usually we only had one down at a time, but as soon as one was starting to get better, the next one would drop. Vicious circle!!

August - Master L's 4th birthday! He had a lovely day, spent the morning at Kindy as they had a Pirate Party Day (how good was the timing for that?!?). NanNan made him an awesome pirate cake which we took to Kindy so he could share with his friends. I bought them home just after lunch and cake, so we could do presents and have a play before heading out to Sizzler's for dinner (his choice!).

September - It's house moving time!! YAYYYYY!! We went from a small 3 bedroom house with one batheroom and one living area to a 4 bedroom house, 2 bathrooms, 2 living areas and ohhh so much space!! To say we LOVE it is a massive understatement LOL The kids have a designated playroom now, and although it doesn't have a door, they still know that the toys need to stay in that area. The move was massive but so worth it. We also had another visit from Mr B's folks, and good timing as we had just moved into the new house, so they were able to see it.

October - well what a crappy month this was! My Dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. Luckily enough they found it early (PLEASE, get your husbands/partners/fathers/grandfathers and tell them the importance of having checks, even if its not a pleasant experience its better than having cancer!!). Dad had surgery to have his prostate removed as he wasn't risking anything. His results came back that it was a very aggressive cancer, so he is very glad he had it removed. He now has the all clear, which we are all VERY thankful for :)

October also saw Mr B in hospital. He had a massive gallbladder attack which landed him in hospital for 2 nights, then home for 2 nights before going back in to have it removed. He did really well whilst he was in there, came through the surgery really well and was home the next day! I've told both of them that they can stop now, no more hospital visits thank you very much LOL

November - Master P's first birthday!! Still hard to believe that our little guy, who was so impatient to get here, has been here for a whole year. After some trials, we have now triumphed and no longer do we have the massive long screaming sessions that we did have. He now goes off to sleep by himself, and early, and wakes after about 12hrs. He also has a big sleep during the day and due to all this we have seen such a remarkable improvement with him, its amazing!

December - CHRISTMAS!! Since i've only a few days ago posted about it I won't bore you all again LOL Nothing much else has happened worthy of note so I guess that means onto 2009!! Bring it on, we are ready and raring to go!!

Mom Blogger Club

2009-01-02T10:15:00.000+10:00

Photo Time!

2008-12-30T12:37:00.000+10:00

Ok, time for me to go crazy posting photos of our Christmas :)

Big boys opening up some Thomas the Tank Engine stuff...

Master P LOVES the kiddy show 'In The Night Garden' so we got him Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy...

He also scored this cool rocker, which he goes CRAZY on...

Master L on the new trampoline...

Master H's turn on the tramp...

I'll get shot for posting this, but oh well LOL Mr B LOVES pavlova which my Mum made for dessert especially for him. He scored the last piece as we were cleaning up the table and grabbed the closest utensils he could find, ie, the serving knife and a fork LOL He is such a dag!

We had such a lovely day, even though there was only just a few of us here.

Time for a catch up!

2008-12-29T11:32:00.000+10:00

Slack blogger again. I keep thinking of things i'd like to write in here, but then I get sidetracked and forget. I have decided though that no matter the subject i'm going to write about it. This is my outlet to get things out of my head and off my chest, so that is my resolution, to keep it up to date more.

Now that i've said that, I hope everyone has had a very Merry Christmas and enjoyed the time whether it be spent with family or friends. We had a really lovely Christmas this year, the boys are at a fantastic age to really get into it more. The day was spent here at home, with my Mum and Dad and also my grandmother (Gi-Gi) coming just before lunch and then spending the rest of the day with us.

Even though we said that we wouldn't go crazy this year on buying presents for the boys, well it didn't happen and of course they got stacks again. Oh well, i'm not too worried. At the end of the day they only get gifts from a few people so we just make up the shortfall ;)

Boxing Day was also lovely this year. We spent the day with my Aunty and cousin at Caloundra and it was so nice! We had a yummy lunch, a swim in the pool, played on the deck of the penthouse overlooking the beach, drank champagne and then finished the day off with a walk down to Kings Beach for a little play on the sand. We don't 'do' beaches, so this was a very rare occasion and it was fun! I will post some pics when I get them from Mum's camera.

We had a semi-quiet day on Saturday, the boys were going crazy in their 'come down' from the couple of busy days. The 3 of them and I did go down to the shops for a little while, which was only slightly crazy but we survived LOL

Sunday was spent up at another Aunt and Uncles house at Mt Tamborine. Oh how I love it up there! One day I would love to just go exploring Gallery Walk and potter around the little shops up there soaking in all the atmosphere. It's not a place for little kids though, so will have to wait for that day I think. Was great catching up with all the family though, more yummy food, lots of laughs and lots of photography. Had a bit of a hairy ride home down the Mt though, as it had started to storm. We got to drive through the clouds which the boys thought was pretty cool.

Have a few photos to post, but have to go and feed the big boys so will do those in another post :)

insert witty title here

2008-12-14T08:57:00.000+10:00

Yes, I know. I've been neglecting the blog again. Wish I could blame it on the fact that life has been so busy that I haven't had time. But no, that isn't the case. Yeah sure, we have been busy, but we have also been having a bit of 'downtime' at home too lately.

So, what's been going on lately?

The little boys and I have been visiting my good friend Deb a bit lately. Tuesday's are our 'beading day' and we have a lot of fun doing that. My guys play with her little guy, and often the neighbours girls over the back, and generally, when Master H and Deb's Master M aren't doing the whole power struggle thing that little guys do LOL

We had the bigger boys Kindy Christmas Party which was a great night. Got to see the boys singing their special Christmas songs, had a sausage sizzle and the highlight of the night, a visit from the big man himself, Santa!

Poor little Master P, he was fine until I stepped back to get them both into the photo, and then he lost the plot. Santa felt so bad about it, and tried to make him smile again, but no, Master P wasn't having a bar of that. We will try him again with a group photo next week, hopefully he will be right if his big brothers are with him.

A week ago, I went to a wonderful workshop with Deb. What an amazing day it was as we saw first hand what an amazing thing the Law of Attraction can be. I learnt so much from that day, and have realised just how much of how we think influences what happens in our lives. Really I could go on for ages about it, but I am going to leave that for another day.

Yesterday I had my first 'party'. No, i'm not that sad in the fact of not having a party before, but one of those Demonstration Parties. Yes, believe it or not, it was my FIRST! I'd managed to get away with not having one until now, so I think i've done pretty well LOL It was a jewellery party. The people who do it have such lovely stuff, it's a pity the money tree wasn't in full flower otherwise I could have gone a tad crazy LOL

Today, we are off to Deb's Master M's 3rd birthday party. The boys are so looking forward to it, and so am I :) Nothing like a birthday party to get you feeling like a little kid again LOL

The Gender Bender

2008-11-29T23:20:00.000+10:00

So I was just reading a post on a friend's blog, and it has prompted me to post my own about the same subject (thanks Cass ;) ).

What is it about, well the gender subject. Boys vs. Girls.

Why is it that we cannot be open and honest about our feelings when we are pregnant? Why is it such a taboo subject, that if we do find out the sex of the baby, that will be loved no matter what, and it is not what we had hoped that we cannot actually openly say it without being ridiculed by everyone?

I have three gorgeous little boys. I love them with every ounce of my being, they light up my life and continue to challenge me in both good and not so good ways each and every day. I would NEVER change them for all the tea in China. BUT... to say I was happy that all of them were boys when we found out, no sorry I can't say that.

Master L, yes, we had hoped with everything we had, that he would be a boy. To say we were over the moon at the ultrasound is an understatement. I actually think both Mr B and I had tears of joy when the tech said that it was a blue one. I'd had a dream whilst I was doing the fertility drugs to conceive Master L, and that it would be a boy. He turned out exactly like he was in the dream.

When I was pregnant with Master L, I had this beautiful dream of this gorgeous little boy holding onto this beautiful baby wrapped in a pink blanket. I was told in this dream 'don't worry, she will come along when the time is right'. This little boy in the dream looked like Liam, but he had curls in his hair. I was so certain that our next child would be a girl because the first dream about Master L being a boy was so accurate.

Roll onto the next pregnancy, go for the scan, only to be told that it was another boy. What the hell? How could this be? We were so certain it was a girl. Everything in the pregnancy had been different. I had about 2 hours of feeling sick with Master L, this time I was sick day and night till 20wks!! Mr B and I walked out of that scan, pretty much devastated. We had to wait 45mins for the results to come back so we went for a walk. We had decided that 2 children would be it for us, as Mr B is the eldest of 3, and hated that number and myself being an only child I was NEVER going to have just one. So the decision was made, either 2 or 4, never an odd number. As we walked around, Mr B took my hand and said 'your not going to have someone to do their hair all pretty' and at that moment I broke down in sobs. We both did.

Yes, our baby boy was healthy, and growing well, but he wasn't our girl that we had both so dearly wanted with all our hearts.

When we told people, the first thing most of them said was 'oh well, think of it this way, you will be able to use all the stuff from Master L'. Wow, let's chuck a party everyone! What a crock! I wanted to go and buy all the pretty stuff I didn't care about it being cheaper to have another boy. The other people just automatically said 'oh well, you'll have to have a 3rd now to try for your girl' *sighs*

I did try to be open with some people, that I wasn't blissfullyhappy our *she* was now a he. But once again, was met with the comments of 'you should be grateful that the baby is healthy' or the other pearler, 'be grateful you are pregnant at all'. You know, I WAS grateful that I was pregnant. Hell I know the pain of infertility, and what it can do to you emotionally (not just physically), so please, go knock that line out on someone else thanks.

So anyway, roll onto pregnancy #3. We were still living in hope that our dream would come true, and that we would get our baby girl this time. Names were picked, we had picked the bedding (obviously hadn't bought it yet though!), heck Mr B had even bought a couple of little outfits that were on sale that he 'just couldn't NOT buy'. The baby (affectionately nicknamed 'Teddy' by Master L) had to be a girl, even Master L had decided it was a girl, and he had been right so many times before, so he had to be right this time.

Time comes for ultrasound day. I was excited yet scared stiff at what was about to happen. I'd gone from being certain it was a girl, to just knowing that it was another boy. Apparently I wasn't going to be disappointed with that train of thought, as the tech said 'its a blue one' again. Before he had said it, we had all been happily talking away, having a bit of a laugh, all going great. The room was very silent after the news. It shouldn't be like that. This time, Mr B and I both had a tear again, and decided that this REALLY had to stop. We couldn't keep leaving that place feeling sad, especially when it was meant to be a happy time.

This time I went into my shell. I hated telling people because of the comments. This time it was 'ohh you poor thing, 3 boys, that is so unlucky' or 'gee you are definitely going to have your hands full there' *sighs* I remember telling my closest friend, but having to do it through SMS as I was too scared I was going to sob through the phone to her. I know she would have understood, but still, I just couldn't talk to anyone (even my own family). My heart was broken. Mr B had said no more kids after this, he couldn't put me through the disappointment if we had another boy.

Yes, my beautiful little boy was healthy, growing ok (albeit a bit small for dates) and ended up joining us 6wks early, but he wasn't my little girl. Mr B I think gave into my need to name this little guy a name i'd had picked since I was in college studying childcare. I had this gorgeous little boy in my class who at the age of 4 could sit and read me book after book. I thought he was amazing, and his name was just perfect for him. The funny thing is, i'd be trying to talk Mr B into using the name for at least one of the boys names (they all have 3 names!) but he had been adamently against it. This time, he changed his mind.

So, why am I talking about all this now? Well, whilst we aren't going hell for leather, we are trying for another little person to join our family. And yes, once again, we are very much hoping that we have a little girl. Yes, a little boy would be just as great, but heck we have 3 already isn't it time for a girl?? LOL And yes, I will be honest upfront, if we do have another boy I will be devastated but I do know that in time I will build that bridge and get on with it.

Oh, and one last thing, just to clarify.... we are NOT wanting to have another baby just to try for a girl. No, we would love one more person to join our *little* family. Be it girl or boy, they will be just as loved as the others, and will bring us the same joy, love and bring contentment to our family. This will be our final chance for our girl, 2 or 4 kids remember ;)

Creativity is a wonderful thing!

2008-11-22T23:24:00.000+10:00

Lately i've been feeling very creative. Now, this may be a normal thing for some people, but for me it is not. I've never been very good with doing crafty type things, and rest assured that art was not one of my finer subjects at school. I have also tried quite a few things, sewing - LMAO what a joke, knitting - seems I pull the yarn too tight and make it impossible to get the needle through, painting - even simple things like photo frames they just never turned out the way I had planned. And thats just to name a few!

Pretty much the only thing craft like that i've ever done, enjoyed and been ok at doing is Scrapbooking. Mum and I started doing it back in 2001, and boy did we have a lot of fun doing it! So much so that for a while I was a scrapbooking consultant. But then having the kids and the fact that it took so much to unpack it all, do some, then pack it all up again it all fell by the wayside for a couple of years.

That was a few weeks ago I went to a demo at a friends house and now the bug is back. Yayyy!! I was wondering if I was ever going to get it back, as it had been so long without much inspiration (sure, got some great photos, but the 'bug' just wasn't there). We have a little group now from that demo that are getting together once a month to do a workshop night. Our first one was a couple of weeks ago now, and this is what we did that night...

In the time between the demo and the workshop, I also finally finished our Wedding album. That was the last thing that I had done scrapbooking wise, and that was a few months after our wedding in 2004. I'm so happy that it's finally done, now I can move onto the boys albums.

BUT, scrapbooking isn't the only creative thing i've been doing lately. A couple of months ago I was out walking and found that the local bead shop was closing down and having a 50% off sale. So, me being the hunter of bargains decided to have a look not really having any idea of what I was looking for or even doing in the shop. I've never done any beading before, but I got a few things to start me off.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my gorgeous friend Deb went to a bead warehouse expo and came home with a stack of stuff. She went through it all with me, and I think it was at that moment the bug started to nibble. Last week we had a craft day at her house, with her neighbour, and oh boy, the bug didn't just nibble, it took a BIG bite! I'm hooked LOL

This is what I made last Tuesday, my first ever attempt at jewellery making...

So, after using nearly all of the stuff that I had, I went shopping and got some more bits and pieces. This is what I made next with some of those bits...

Now i'm on a mission. To source a place for us to buy our beads at wholesale prices, as this beading thing is not a cheap hobby. I've found a couple, and they are local (well close enough anyway LOL) and I can't wait to check them out and get moving on some more.

Is it too much to hope that this new hobby be turned into something more? Being creative is so good for the soul!

My Baby is One

2008-11-22T22:36:00.000+10:00

*sighs* yes i'm having troubles coming to terms with the fact that Master P is now one. It's exciting and strange all at the same time LOL I know, i'm crazy hey. In the past week he has gone crazy though. He is saying more words, exerting himself more (oh joy!) and well, just acting like he is a big boy now!

We had a quiet day for this birthday. Mr B and I took him shopping, then picked up the big boys from kindy early to come home to celebrate with Nan, Grandad and GiGi. He loved his presents, but most of all, he LOVED his cake!

Here are some of my favourite photos of my little guy's first year...

Happy 1st Birthday Babycakes!!

Master P - 17th November 2007, 10:31am, 5lbs, 50cms long, 32cms head

One more sleep..

2008-11-16T22:13:00.000+10:00

I seriously wonder how it is possible that my baby boy will be one tomorrow. What on earth has happened to the last 12mths? Is it something that happens as you get older, time just flits away before you even realise it's there, and then when you do, its been and gone several times over.

Anyway, tomorrow is the big day, Master P turns ONE! I thought i'd post today, because I'm not sure if i'm going to get a chance tomorrow. His birth, well it was bittersweet to say the least. A wonderful day as it meant a beautiful little soul had joined the world, and our family, but also one that I will never forget as long as I live, for horrible reasons.

34wks 4days

Master P's Birth Day - 17th November 2007

Friday night I wasn't feeling right. I was very fidgety and couldn't get to sleep, so sat up on the computer till around 1:30am when I finally gave in and tried to go to sleep.

I woke around 4am to Mr B coming into bed (he had been up late working on the computer). I told him that I still didn't feel right, but was able to get back to sleep again. At 4:30am I was woken up with what I thought to be a Braxton Hicks contraction, but was a bit more painful than usual. A few minutes later, and I had another one. By the time i'd had 4 of these I decided to start timing them just for interest sake, and they were 5mins apart.

5:30am, and they were still 5mins apart so I decided to jump in the shower as that had been my first way of trying to stop contractions. The shower felt really good but by the time I got out, the contractions had picked up a bit in intensity. I got back into bed and tried to rest between each one as I was still hoping that they would calm down and go away.

The resting worked for about half an hour until at 6:15am I was awoken with a massive contraction that had me jumping out of bed in pain. It was then that I started pacing the house and knew that this was the real deal, I was in labour!

Mum had heard me walking around and asked if I was ok, to which I said that this was it, but I wasn't ready to head off the hospital yet. No sooner had I said that when I had 2 massive contractions around 3mins apart, and realised that I probably should go in sooner rather than later.

I woke up Mr B, got changed, put the last couple of things in my bag and then rang the hospital who said to come straight in and see how things are going. Was a pretty easy trip to the hospital this time, being so early on a Saturday morning, there wasn't any traffic. Just as we got to the front door of the hospital and I was getting out of the car, I had another massive contraction. One of the midwives who was walking to her car saw me, and told me not to wait for Mr B to park the car, to go straight up. I knew I had a good couple of minutes before the next one so I took off trying to get up to the ward before it hit.

When I got to the desk, they decided to take me straight around to birth suite (which meant walking back down from where i'd come from, oh so annoying LOL). Mr B had come up already with my stuff and around we went, stopping twice on the way as they were getting closer together.

Once in birth suite, they tried to hook up the monitors to see how Master P was doing before the head midwife came in to see if I was dilating or not. This is when the 'fun' started. Anna the midwife couldn't find Master P's heartbeat. No matter where she looked, there was nothing. So after a moment of freaking out on my behalf I was put at ease when Master P moved. Anna got the handheld doppler out and found him no worries, but it was at this point when she asked 'is he breech?'

Now, Master P had been head down for a long time. Even earlier that morning, I am still quite certain he was head down, from the way my cervix had pressure to the shape of my belly and how much it had changed by the time we got to the hospital.

Anna called in the head midwife Steph and asked her to have a feel of my belly and to see if she could pick him up on the monitor. Still no success with getting his heartbeat, and after having a quick feel of my belly she decided to do the internal to see if she could feel his head. Definitely no head to be felt, but instead a hand through my waters which were bulging. I was also around 3cms and very soft and stretchy.

So this changed everything. Steph called in the Dr's and grabbed the ultrasound machine so they could double check that he was infact breech. Dr Scott came in, had a feel of my belly then did the ultrasound which showed the cheeky boy laying diagonally which his head in the right side of my pelvis. He then did an internal so he could see for himself how far I had progressed. It was after this he said 'ohh your definitely in labour' then turned to the other Dr and nodded his head.

Its 8:30am by this stage, and i'm in agony being stuck on my back on the bed through the contractions, all I wanted to do was get up and walk around so I could sway through them but I couldn't. Dr Vaughn then starts talking about how Master P was laying and that it wasn't what they wanted to see and that I would need to have a caesarean as it was too dangerous to let me even try for a vaginal birth due to cord prolapse and the possibility of him getting lodged in my pelvis if my waters broke. Needless to say I agreed to the c-section but at that moment, it all hit me and I burst into tears. I was actually looking forward to the birthing process and this was all going in a different direction than what I had had in my mind.

The Dr's went off to get everyone organised, while I had blood taken and a canula put in my arm and signed the consent form. Thank goodness for Steph who kept both of us as calm as she could. They wheeled me around, Mr B went off to get into his scrubs, I got into the freezing cold operating room and awaited the spinal. At this stage, i'm shaking with fear, I really didn't want to have the spinal done especially after the problems I had with my back after Master L's epidural. Luckily it went in first go, I was so happy with that.

It was just after 10am when the Dr was finally able to make the first incision. The spinal took a bit of time to work, as I kept feeling it when they went to start. I may not have felt the actual cutting part, but I certainly could feel everything else. It seemed like forever before they pulled Master P out, who let out a beautiful cry straight away (which made me burst into tears with joy). We got to see him for a second before Steph took him over to the paediatrician to check him over. Once he got the all clear, she bought him back so we could say a quick hello and give him a kiss before she raced him around to the Special Care Nursery. Mr B stayed with me for a few minutes before he went around to make sure all was ok with Master P.

After he left things went a bit haywire. I started feeling a lot of pain, and was groaning out loud every time Dr Scott did anything. It turned out that I had massive adhesions from the previous c-section, and he was trying to 'clean up' in there. My bladder was stuck to my uterus, as well as other problems, so he had some work to do. Because I was feeling so much, the anesthetist was freaking out a bit (umm yeah, so was I buddy!) so he decided to sedate me. Oh what a fun feeling that was as I was coming around with the gas mask on my face. I remember them talking about who was going out to get them all breakfast, and then all of a sudden, that whole conversation happened again. Nothing like a hit of drugs in the morning LOL. Apparently during this time I also lost a litre of blood, but luckily I didn't need a transfusion. I'm so glad they sedated me when they did though, cause I certainly won't forget feeling what I did.

By the time he had finished, it was just after 12noon, so much longer in there than I had thought it would be. I spent around 30mins in recovery before being wheeled back around to the ward, but instead of going to my room, they wheeled me straight down to the SCN so I could see Master P which was wonderful! They also took me down later on that night in my bed, as I still wasn't allowed up due to the blood loss.

So after all that, it didn't go how I hoped it would when the day was starting, but at the end of the day we have our third beautiful little boy who will more than likely after the way this all turned out be our last addition to the family. I'm not sure if I can go through any of this again, especially since any future pregnancies will be automatic c-section. But I guess, who knows what the future holds (as long as the future is a fair way down the line LOL).

Well, for the next 20 days, Master P was in the Special Care Nursery (SCN), which was very hard for me to cope with. Between the horror that was the c-section, the fact that he was early just added to it all by him having to stay in there. We were lucky that we had some wonderful midwives looking after him, but there was one in particular who was so horrible, that we ended up putting in a complaint to the Nurse Unit Manager. I also managed to pick up an infection, had problems with milk production which caused problems with a couple of the midi's cause it meant they had to formula feed Master P, which they didn't want to do (yeah, guess what, it wasn't my prefered method either!) and to top it off, I had 2 gorgeous little boys at home that just wanted their Mummy back for more than a couple of hours at a time.

To be honest, even though I can say that I loved Master P, it really took me a while to truly bond with him. From feeling resentment to my body for not being able to perform the function of pregnancy well enough to 'cook' him longer, to resenting him for turning (yes, I know, not his fault, but hey hindsight is a wonderful thing!) and thus resulting in the c-section. I really wish I hadn't have felt that way, but it has only been in the last couple of months where i've come to realise that there is nothing that I can do to change what happened, and that it was hindering my relationship with my son. So i've built my bridge, and i'm pleased to say that I am on the other side of it now.

I love my little boy with all my heart, he melts me! The other 2 do as well, but they all have their different ways that melt me. Mummy's boys... you betcha!! LOL We get a lot of people who make horrible comments on the fact that we have 3 boys, well, I honestly think they are jealous! Boy's rock and I am proud to be the Mummy of 3 gorgeous, happy, well mannered, and heck just plain delightful little miracle boys.

Would I put myself though anything like that again. You bet I would! :) :)

Crazy Mumma

Thud.

Honesty...

Wading Through the Shit Pit

Stepping In

Homework Nightmares

Loud Shirt Day

Wearing Red

Birthday Fun!

Friends or Vampires?

Moving House!!

Half Way!

On a Sunday Afternoon

Wordless Wednesday

Touching a Life

I've lost the fun!

Party Planning

Letting Go

Holiday Horrors

Blog-Challenged

Sadness

My Sweet Girl

Healing Thoughts!

The Grateful File - Day 6

The Grateful File - Day 5

The Grateful File - Day 2

The Grateful File - Day 1

A Very Nappy Christmas!

Black Hole

Ugghhh!

Pondering 2011

Flabby McTabby

One of those days

Sunday Session

Lego - The Obsession

Making Friends and Annoying Others

Bringing it out of submission

*sighs* they grow too fast!

My 'To Do' List

So what's been happening with me?

Photo Catch Up...

Changes Afoot

Playing Catch Up!

Lost in Transmission

Our Baby Girl Has Arrived!

A Nothing Post

Finished the Skirt!!

My 2nd Sewing Attempt

Belated Merry Christmas!!

Having a Vent at Myself

My Name is Mrs B

Slack Much??

Look What I Made!

This is what happens (pics)

I think there is an echo in here

I Think I've Gone Mad!

Please Indulge Me

Couple of Pics!

19wk Update

Oh My Gosh!!!

16 Weeks Today!

I Have an Addiction

15wk Belly Pic!

Letting Go

An Award! Oh My!!

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

14 Weeks and the Ob Appointment

13 Weeks Today!

A Weekend Away

12 Weeks Today!!

Time to Get Organised!

My 'Baby' is now FIVE!

If you don't laugh...

A Day of Contemplation

What a Neglected Blog!

Page Layouts from the Workshop

What a great day!

Trying to get some action

Aww he's growing up again!

A Fresh Start

sighs they grow too fast!

insert witty title here